Vins' Life

Again...Need Luck

2011-11-05T13:13:00.003+08:00

Not sure how many times I have been meeting the clients... But one that for sure is i am going to meet the potential clients again... this afternoon. Will this time I have the luck to get the contract on? I think I just feel weak to gain the contract, always in my mind is - will i so lucky this time? Sometimes, I just feel that it is so helpless to get the contract, as this is nothing about putting effort, and more on if you are getting the right clients that fullfilled the requirements. It is either an bad quality or demanding or lacking luck that i was encountering for past few months...Somehow I started to question myself, am i too picky? My friend told me - you are too into details, and picking on people's occupation. Indeed, I am! But, i guess i just come from a win-win solution for all to avoid unexpected outcome at last. It is either start and end with good contract, or void it from the begining. I believe this will bring goodness of both parties. At least save the fighthing and paper works ...

Hope what i am heading is the right direction... amithbha...

Luck is not always at this side...

2011-10-14T23:09:00.002+08:00

Lately, i am just having much imbalance feeling. It seems to me that the luck is no longer at my side... and bit by bit luck is going with wind..

The more i think so, the more i feel that life is always not easy. When we grow up and start to build our own victory, the more we suffer on having much and much. We start to compete with others to have more, and compare with others on what we own and what we do not own. I suppose i shall feel lucky compare to those unfortunate one. Yet, I didnt feel so as I always compare with those that have more than me, and start to question myself why i cant have the luck to own more...

I know that is not the right thinking, yet my mind just swings to negative side when small incident triggers. Somehow, it is just too tired to think more. I just feel to drop all, and living to the simplest way. But, can i survive??

Life! It is always two sides of it - positive and negative. How to make myself in positive instead of negative?

Secretive yet pathetic

2011-06-21T21:08:00.003+08:00

Not sure if the word "secretive" elaborate what i am feeling now correctly or not...
But i just feel a bit awkward when a friend trying to feign for some minor questions which obviously peoples can see she/he is wearing a mask when giving the reaction.

It suppose that's nothing right or wrong to spell that she/he cant tell the truth / secrets as she/he promise to do so. But, the feign reaction does make people feels that she/he is trying to make fool of a person's intelligence.

Well, sometimes i think sincerity counts a person's trustworthy. If a person does not sincere in her/his words/actions, it does break the trustworthy that people gives to her/him.

To act feign, i think it is not a good idea. I rather a person to be sincere to tell the truth rather than pretend good yet make people feels being fooled. Before you can master the feign skill, it is always better to be sincere. Unless you are 100% confident that you are able to act feign, yet receiver cant sense the humiliation that you have subjected to her/him.

I actually pity the person who feign the others, yet being disclosed. In fact, she/he looks like a clown in other eyes... What a pathetic action!

money not enough....

2011-05-22T13:13:00.006+08:00

Lately seems that cost of living is hiking up due to inflations of food, petrol, and etc. The only stand still not moving is our salary! In this case, it means your saving ratio from your salary will be decrease, and even worst ... it might turn to no saving... and might worsen it turn negative when there is any accident happen... where there is no buffer to fork out the money to solve the accidental/ issue...

The more i think about the expense, the more makes employee like me feels worry...

We have monthly commitment that can not be avoided:
1.) at the minimum, 3 meals a day - cost increase due to sugar, poultry, flavour, etc price increase.
2.) monthly petrol
3.) monthly car installment
4.) quarterly car maintenance
5.) monthly house installment

Yearly commitment:
1.) Health insurance
2.) Quit Rent
3.) Cukai Pintu
4.) Car insurance
5.) Road Tax

Accidents:
1.) Car
2.) Sick
3.) House Repair

Question coming back, how shall we increase our income or shall we decrease our expenses? To answer this, I did reduce my expenses since day one i commit myself to pay house and car installment. After years' practice, it seems that no matter how much i tried to decrease the expenses, i am still not able to beat the speed of inflations ...

So, the only option that leaves to me - how to increase our income??

HOW? HOW?

What will you do?

2011-04-25T17:49:00.003+08:00

if you have already prepared yourself to pay for it, and someone gives you hope that you can do the reimbursement, but you need to hold a bit longer - which may delay your goal. Will you wait?

Struggling to choose to wait. Somehow, when ask myself on the confident level on the reimbursement, i think i will give it 40% confident level. It is just like a death horse with last breath and someone tell it that the doctor might able to cure him... argh... chance is way way low...

Shall I wait? or shall i go ahead?

Too much complaints that cant be release

2011-03-23T16:43:00.003+08:00

I wonder lately I am a bit quirky in response of some peoples' actions. It is not wrong that those are trying to show off themselves in the public. But i am just a little bit not feeling good having those showing off peoples... in fact i feel that there is a bit of annoying me... Why i say so? Hmm, i might be bias on these type of persons... showing off! too ego - especially guy who needs to work under a lady...! those are peoples that i think a bit of irritating and disgusting!

Why cant work low profile with sincere heart? Why must show off the actions that being count? Why must always tell people how good he/she is? All the works that being done, just because want to catch employer's attention for certain intention? Cant understand!

Another type of person - GUY... in fact i feel that this type of guy... he is so petite! Cant he accept the fact that human are equal as a whole?! Gender does not count into capability and intelligence measurement... cant he just accept the fact!

Arghhhhhhhh i guess too much grumbling ... and, in fact... i have been suppressing my angriness for a while... and here i go .... bursting my imbalance feeling here.... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

伯牙絕弦

2010-12-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

作詞：阿璞 / 阿信作曲：王力宏
知人知面知己知彼又知心古人說這就是所謂知音
相知相惜相親相愛也相憶朋友你會不會常把我想起
何年何月何日何時再相聚何時能把酒言歡暢回憶
很多很多很深很深的回憶很多歌我只想要為你唱起
春秋時期遠近知名伯牙琴藝沉魚也出水馬兒仰秣聆聽
聆聽寂寞的聲音舉世知名不如一個知音
直到子期聞琴解開伯牙心境高山流水風景似有靈悉
高山青流水靜如鏡無言卻勝過有言的天地
聽宮商角徵羽那歌詞未寫上的是弦外的延長音
斟一杯酒一抱拳一句關心在千年之後再延續不變的旋律
當春雪融夏景秋風為我捎封信
冬冬鑼隆冬牆冬冬鑼隆隆冬牆牆又是思念的四季
知人知面知己知彼又知心古人說這就是所謂知音
相知相惜相親相愛也相憶朋友你會不會常把我想起
何年何月何日何時再相聚何時能把酒言歡暢回憶
很多很多很深很深的回憶很多歌我只想要為你唱起
某年某月某天伯牙再訪子期風景依舊綠子期卻已歸西
觸景觸琴即傷情伯牙絕弦只因再無知音
千年過去當我再度撥弄琴韻更多冷箭更多冷言冷語
請你聽請輕輕傾聽唱給我永遠不離棄的知音
聽宮商角徵羽那歌詞未寫上的是喔喔喔
斟一杯酒一抱拳一句關心在千年之後再延續不變的旋律
當春雪融夏景秋風為我捎封信
冬冬鑼隆冬牆冬冬鑼隆隆冬牆牆又是思念的四季
知人知面知己知彼又知心古人說這就是所謂知音
相知相惜相親相愛也相憶朋友你會不會常把我想起
何年何月何日何時再相聚何時能把酒言歡暢回憶
很多很多很深很深的回憶很多歌我只想要為你唱起

Grateful / Thankful

2010-11-26T00:26:00.003+08:00

It is not easy for me to say thankful or grateful to what i have, as i am worry glorious words slip from mouth will be jealous... I know it is superstitious of me... but, just wanna ensure that words wont spoil the happiness that appear now...

Thanks, and feel great to have such living style... :-) Love you...

Economy Frustration

2010-10-22T11:57:00.003+08:00

Is this called inflation? But, I do not see salary is increasing on par with the cost living...

Property price is going crazy, yet no rules and regulations to govern the crazy price... Just wonder will this property market burst soon? Or it will still going up crazy ... until the gap of the rich and poor is too huge and not able to recover?

Stock market is moving nowhere... increase 1 day, decrease 1 day... everything is flat there.. means... no one dare to make move to push the market...

So, what shall the people do with the little cash flow on hand?

It is cracking head to think about this 'nowhere' situation... imbalance of saving with the increasing cost living...Sigh!

Life is too busy, yet contented

2010-10-22T01:27:00.005+08:00

Just couldnt believe that I have left out this blog for few months. And, what have i done for the few past months? Argh.. i just couldnt recall... Guess, well said: life is too busy...

New job for few months... still at the learning stage, hoping to speed up the learning curve fast...

After all, I think still plenty of area that i need to focus on ... and hopefully I am fast enough to catch up all the identified area that I want to learn.... argh.. sometimes just wonder if I am not speeding enough to learn or it is really too much things to absorb... Anyhow, glad to have such opportunity to learn new fields... hope to see and master the DW ... It was my long waited wish to have myself in this area...

Good luck to myself... and just feel to say... life is contented... and happy here... wish everyone is happy everyday... bless you...

GLAD to be TOGETHER, ENJOY to be ALONE

2010-07-29T01:13:00.002+08:00

It has been a while that I left out this blog writting.
I guess I spend too much time to work, and too less time to write.

Not much to review on myself, but just feel to say:
GLAD to be TOGETHER, ENJOY to be ALONE

Being together, we can cry on each others' shoulder, we can share the joy of our happiness... sharing bitter sweet moment... hug each other when we need support... all these.... it just couldnt be done alone... that's why it is the word 'SHARING'.

Enjoy to be ALONE... after sharing the happiness and bitternes... we need room for ourself to peace our soul... to calm down to review and reflect our feelings... Sometimes jogging alone on the street or in the park... make one feel peace and calm. The calmness wont able to gain if there is more than one person... somehow or rather... just need to self review ... and be clear on ourself ... when we are on ourself... that's called 'BEING ALONE'.

Love to be together, and enjoy to be alone... Life needs sharing after a self thought being initialiazed.... that paired up "together and being lone" in a human's life...

You and Me

2010-07-07T00:34:00.002+08:00

Taking a trip down memory lane
Things have changed One thing remains
That they will always have each other
And even though those days have gone
They know here is where they belong
Theres some kinda magic in the air

Feel the warmth
That only summer breezes can bring
Sweet little notes of spring begin
Nothing to fear

Taking one step at a time
Walking hand in hand
1 2 3 4
Cheek to cheek
And theyre learning How to do that dance
Let this love be forever more they say
I wish for this, to be true for you and me

Holding her close he leading the way
Out at the park Enjoying the Day
And you can tell theyll be ok
Feel the warmth
That only summer breezes can bring
Sweet little notes of spring begin
Nothing to fear

Taking one step at a time
Walking hand in hand
1 2 3 4
Cheek to cheek
And theyre learning How to do that dance
Let this love be forever more they say
I wish for this, to be true for you and me

Taking one step at a time
Walking hand in hand
1 2 3 4
Cheek to cheek
And theyre learning How to do that dance
Let this love be forever more they say
I wish for this, to be true for you and me
To be true for you and me
To be true for you and me
You and me
You and me

Doubt, skeptical, indecisive, vacillating, uncertainty...

2010-05-05T03:39:00.003+08:00

Doubt what is right and not right...

Skeptical to move forward or to stand still...

Indecisive to stay or to go ...

Vacillating what is good or better...

Uncertainty of present and future...

Argh...

Borned to be suspiciuos? Borned to magnify dust to rock?

思念是一种病

2010-04-30T17:09:00.000+08:00

当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
一辈子有多少的来不及
发现已经失去
最重要的东西
恍然大悟早已远去
为何总是在犯错之后
才肯相信错的是自己
他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
汲汲营营
忘记身边的人需要爱和关心
藉口总是拉远了距离
不知不觉无声无息
我们总是在抱怨事与愿违
却不愿意回头看看自己
想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
多久没有说我爱你
多久没有拥抱你所爱的人
当这个世界不在那黱美好
只有爱可以让他更好
我相信一切都来得及
别管那些纷纷扰扰
别让不开心的事停下了脚步
就怕你不说就怕你不做
别让遗憾继续一切都来得及

Cocky...

2010-04-14T13:34:00.005+08:00

By the name of "Cocky", it explains a person who is over confident... or over self assertive...

And, I guess... it fits the decription to a fren of mine. Well, it might be my own opinion, but i really feel to tell him off this word -> COCKY.

It is a guy who went after my ex housemate, but failed. Yet, he was so cocky that he can easily terrified other gals just matter of that is his wish or not. I mean, it is nothing related to me, but he simply just make me feel that he is too cocky of himself. And, he might not understand the fact that each one has own choice that monetary cant compensate everything...

Hmm, when I am writting this blog, I know I am a bit sarcastic... Sorry, I am under behave per expectation. But, I guess he just hit my nerve recently for blindly comment on my facebook wall... Well, I wouldnt fight back on the facebook wall to show my immature behavior. Yet, I am a bit imbalance emotionally as it just simply tested my endurance level. Yes, he tested the my patience limit.

If there is a pieces of mirror, I would wish him can take a look on himself... If money can teach him a lesson, I hope his money will teach him so...

>.<... Forgive me for being rude here... But, it is still my way to pacify my insuppressible furious heart feeling...

Gosh, hope he can realize... over self assertive will ruin himself...

Sensitive, Fragile

2010-04-14T13:24:00.001+08:00

Please do not be sensitive in picking others...
Please do not be fragile to accept the fact, reality...

Friday...

2010-04-09T18:32:00.007+08:00

It is friday evening... i finished the work day with an examination...It was fun...After 3 days training, finally we get our examination paper...and of coz we work together to have the questions answered. Yeah, I think 3 musketeers might score the paper... :-)

What i gain from the training? Good question. Knowledge, friendship, coaching, team spirit, and meeting different peoples.

The knowledge shall able to help me to accomplish the next milestone... Although i have no clues will i success this time .... pray hard.... study hard... rest well...

The friendship, i think this especially reflects the 3 musketeers friendship... and others... Yeah, I always blend well with different peoples...And, I enjoy the new friendship... at least, there is no stress feeling... Surface is always look nicer without diving to the ugly part.. :-p Sorry, it is just an anology. It does not 100% imply the truth... But, and but... I agree... things get rotten if over ripe... Agree or not?

Coaching, i think this definitely refers to the instructor who flied from Spore. To be frank, I do not pay much attention to his class, but on and off he manage to pull back the attention to the main point of the topic... Thanks! and Appologise for being dreaming in the class... :-p

Team spirit... we enhance the 3 musketeers spirit to the members around us... How? thanks to the technology ... MSN and OC... yeah... we got our members have the same answer with us... Sounds proud? I think we are...from answer revision session, at least we do not find any question we answered wrongly..

Meeting different peoples... hmm... they are my team members.... but we seldom sit together as the team is too big, and we usually do not have a chance to know everyone...But with this training, i get to know more about them...who i seldom have a chance to talk ... :-)

Last but not least ... i think i shall thank the Boss... who has given me a chance to attend the training...

Glad ... it is friday... Although I will be working on Saturday and Sunday...still it is a blessing on friday night...

一人一半

2010-03-18T09:29:00.001+08:00

一人一半，感情不散
一人一素故，感情才会久
时光累积，安静的泪滴
一心去追，爱那么可贵
这样的人，这样地等
无非是等个回应眼神
为爱翻滚，不急伤痕
甘心为你一生都浮沉
这样的人，别笑我蠢
傻傻地心痛也不觉疼
就算残忍，就算天冷
等你想起这没用的人

一人一半，感情不散
已经找到爱，为何要离开
时光累积，安静的泪滴
一心去追，爱那么可贵
这样的人，这样地等
无非是等个回应眼神
为爱翻滚，不急伤痕
甘心为你一生都浮沉

一人一半，感情不散

已经找到爱，为何要离开
已经找到爱，为何想离开

看破，放下，随缘，念佛

2010-03-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

爱，不能贪恋；怨，要懂得化解....

几时化解，如何化解，觉悟就化解。

觉悟就是懂得烦恼是执著而来的，知道自己的过失，认识到我们念头念念相续，时时变化，不要太过在意。
常常保持净念，把善念回向一切众生。心开意解，就得自在。

Thought of the Day...

2010-03-11T14:14:00.001+08:00

悟已往之不谏,知来者之可追;实迷途其未远,觉今是而昨非

Sunday Chantting

2010-03-07T23:33:00.003+08:00

It was a glorious morning. A friend of mine agrees to bring me to the Brickfield Maha Vihara temple. It is my first to chant in a Sri Langka Temple. All the puja is in sanskrit. But, I manage to follow... although with a little bit of loosing here and there..

It took an hour to complete the chantting session. Then, we have our breakfast there continue with a dharma talk - be sure of yourself.

It is a good topic as I always have not much confident to commit or decide. I couldnt recall the monk's full name. But, sister Berlinda called him Barthay. Hope i get the monk's name right. Thanks to Barthay to englighten me.

Here is the summary of the dharma talk:
How to be sure to yourself? First we need to be mindful in things that we are doing. Do not rush, pay attention to each move that we are doing. Touch it, feel it, and experience it mindfully. Second, associate to spiritual friends. In our life, we have many types of friends. It could be spiritual friends who will always gratitude and likes to invite you to temples. It could be friends who support you in work, daily life, and etc. And, it could be also friends that say hi and bye, who are our normal friends. Thanks to Lai who was willing to wake up early in the morning to bring me to the temple. Third, cleanse our mind each day twice. How to cleanse the mind? We can clean our body, face, hand, etc many times a day. But, to cleanse our mind, we need to practice meditation. Each day twice meditation 15 minutes each time, at the early morning and before going to bed. Meditation will help to clean the mind and have a fresh mind to handle everything.

Thanks to Barthay for the teaching, thanks to brother lai who brought me to the temple.

Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu....

修行。。。之一。。。

2010-03-06T22:11:00.001+08:00

学佛的人，对已往所做的事，无论善恶，都不必追悔，既往不咎，以后众善奉行就是了。
切记！

Peaceful and contented

2010-03-06T19:14:00.004+08:00

Hopefully everything is going constant... peaceful and contented...

The only constant is change... change to accept, to acknowledge, to detach, to transform... all of the changes... handle with peaceful and calm mind...

Thanks for forgiving me, and thanks that i am able to forgive... the forgiveness helps to let go, to detach... and peace...

无常

2010-03-04T17:13:00.000+08:00

皓首穷尽平生计,镜花水月空自哀...
倒不如
菩提本无树，明镜亦非台，本来无一物，何处惹尘埃

Thank You...

2010-03-04T00:22:00.004+08:00

Out of no where, my mind just struck a very calm peaceful feeling. It was a bit spiking during the afternoon as a result of a small incident. But, the contented mind has no time to process more on the incident. Perharps, there is no room for a devil to slip into the fully occupied brain...Well, it is a good news! At least, life is easier, and learning.

Just gone thru a difficult examination. It recalls me the ummph to learn and explore more. It keeps my eyes big when i read thru some of the articles. Well, it has been a while that I didnt add value on myself. Shame to say that...

Hope the motivation stream will roll and roll and roll .... get it bigger ... get it stronger...

And... something to highlight here... A small incident does make me slopping a while (might be 30 minutes), but a small warmth friendship motivates me a lot... It is just a few minutes companion, but it does make a thought change ....and importantly... there is always a positive energy out there... Life is just not about recording who is bad, and what has done badly.... Just need to let go a bit, life can be so peaceful... And, thank you for being rolling out the negative energy from my life... so that I have the room to let the positive energy to roll into my life...

So, from the moment onward, I think i shall pray hard and thank you to those that generating negative energy for being automatically walk out from my life... Thanks! You got my words - May we not cross over again... Let the cross over point ends here...and we do not owe each other anymore... so we do not need to meet again for remaining of the lifes... (from the dharma talk).

Thank You!

Chinese New Year Lightings

2010-02-28T16:15:00.003+08:00

It is about 30 minutes to end the Chinese New Year Celebration.

I manage to go for the marvellous lightings in 2 temples... Tien Hoe Gong, and FGS Dong Zen Si....

The trips are full with laughters, and nice scenery.... But it was a bit awkful... First trip to Tien Hoe Gon, it was an ad hoc action.... So, we went there without a proper camera... ended up taking photo with our handphone... Well, the quality of the photo is blur... but we manage to make fun of the events at the temple...
The second trip, FGS Dong Zen Si... luckily we have a fren that can handle her camera well for night scene... This time, I did bring my camera over to the temple... But, the owner of the camera is awkful... she (which is me) does not know to operate the camera well... So, there is not many nice night scenery lighting photo shooted. I think, some explorations and reading shall be taken to handle the camera....:-p

Happy Chinese Valentines Day....

Taman Rimba Kiara TTDI

2010-02-26T23:17:00.002+08:00

An old fren suggested to have a walk at Taman Rimba Kiara TTDI..

By name, i have heard of this park. But I never been there. It is a park for cycling, jogging, and walking...

Me and my fren started the walk 8am, finished about 9am. It was about 5km journey (according to my fren). It was a cooling walk, as it was a glooming morning... Lucky me! Why lucky me? We were suppoes to start the walk at 7.30am, but i was late... Glad that my dear fren still waited for me...

Tomorrow, hopefully I will be on time to start the walk again...

And, remember... to bring the camera... Shall snapshot some photo... ^.^

It was a miss to me, where i didnt bring my camera from the last jogging at Taman Tasik Perdana... I shall go there again ... May be next weekend...

A Year with A Simple Plan

2010-02-26T00:46:00.003+08:00

Since there is not much excitment until now, I guess... there is also no change in this year.

Work for earning and live peacefully, contentfully....

My simple plan will be have more travel plans for myself...
Money is concern, but shorter and nearer tours are allowed...
At least, I find that a break can refresh myself... Too confine to routine life... will dull a person fast ... :-p

So, my simple plan of this year...
1.) Travel more
2.) Snapshot photo more
3.) Back home more
4.) Learn something new, take a course
5.) Interact with own more
6.) Go meditation
7.) Go outdoor exercise to have more fresh air...
8.) Less Complaint on work... best dun talk about work after office hours

Slogan of the Year:
Work, Play, Enjoy, Peace.... live life happily and peacefully....

Blessing

2010-02-22T18:02:00.003+08:00

Just got back from a break... the feeling is so blessing...
No spike of happiness, it is just so calm, and blessing...

It looses the tight thought that floating long...
And, it inspires the action to loose the tight and unwanted thought to be thrown...

It is calm.... out of sudden, the feel to accept the imperfect is so blessing...

A break is good once a while.. to have a person to back to the human state of art...

游子心情

2010-02-11T13:30:00.002+08:00

独在异乡为异客，每逢佳节陪思亲，秋风扫落叶，思乡情愈深。。。

归心似箭啊！！！

眼光，是你的智慧；運氣，是你的福德

2010-02-11T00:27:00.003+08:00

眼光，是你的智慧；運氣，是你的福德...

It is a statement coming from a buddhist sister. It catches my eyes and thought.
I always have the question, why i always have such 'meet up'?
Why I always bump into the 'wrong' occasions?

This statement suddenly enlighten me. It says 眼光，是你的智慧. I think I do not have the 智慧, thus my 眼光 is always not precise... my 眼光 is always getting me into trouble, and goes no where.

Here is the method that can help to cure what i am lacking - 眼光:
由戒而定，定而静，静生慧，慧生，随心所欲无所拒，心应万物(事）而无一疏漏。戒者，烟酒色...。无欲故静。静而可思，思而有所得也。

I review myself, from 戒 to 定 to 慧, it needs 静. I think i am lacking 静, which to have myself peacefully feel the inner of a human... The congested thinking cant peace the thought of the mind, and it couldnt 静 the whole body and soul... Thus the 眼光 is never clear, and precise... it has too much illusion that confusing the thought...

That's the answer to have better 眼光... be peaceful, be silent, to make any decision... Less word, less opinion, less emotion, concentrate in thinking, concentrate in practising calm down, feel the inner, and think peacefully and carefully....

阿彌陀佛

Chinese New Year Greetings....

2010-02-10T23:57:00.003+08:00

Chinese New Year is around the corner. It is 4 days to reach the new lunar year... This year's zodiac is tiger...

And, I am leaving back to hometown tomorrow... It has been a while I didnt back to hometown. Just getting the reason busy and lazy to go back... well.. i am not a filial daughter, I guess...

With the change of the zodiac, hope that this year... it will bring me new hope, a prospectus year.... in my career, relationship, friendship, ...etc...

Mr tiger, please grant me the best that you can give....hehe...

Thanks thanks...

世间无常

2010-01-29T22:09:00.004+08:00

多欲为苦，生死疲劳，从贪欲起，少欲无为，身心自在

Living Alone...

2010-01-21T15:07:00.004+08:00

Living Alone... to the sorrow and happiness...i hold the whole charge of my life...

That's my life... Not to seek for assurance... not to seek for confirmation....

All I need to know...to the sorrow and happines...I will hold full charge of myself...

Dare You?

2010-01-20T20:10:00.005+08:00

Dare you show your temper?
Dare you show your decision?
Dare you say NO?
Dare you challenge your rival?
Dare you give up?
Dare you walk away?
DARE YOU?????

YES...
I shall dare to speack up
I shall dare to show I am not happy
I shall dare to say NO
I shall dare to challenge the rival
I shall dare to give up what i do not like
I shall dare to walk away because i do not like

YES I DARE TO!!!!!

YES I am the stubborn one, YES I am the childish one! YES I am the un educated one!

So, what else?

Still, YOU have to accept such a person as a HUMAN... What can you do on him/her???
Dare you do anything on him/her??? Or, you keep yourself humble in front of him/her??

You got my bet, for the next time you see this type of person.... You will be greeting hi and bye courteously... You will be diplomatic to communicate to him/her... You will be acting nice and soft to him/her... For these all, you just want to ensure yourself are safe...and without any troublesome.... YES! The person that DARE YOU...is the person that you need to pay 'respect' more... to avoid any unncessary that happens to YOU...

So, YOU ARE A COWARD... who blow the trumpet by yourself!

Compromise

2010-01-20T18:48:00.009+08:00

When you are not ok, shall you compromise to agree to OK?

Just wonder if you are really not happy, shall you compromise because you want to act as a mature adult?

It is a little bit dilemma. Shall we compromise for matters that we do not agree because we need to act we are mature adult that able to suppress our emotion?

A person that is willing to compromise, what will he/she gets? The person who is not compromising, is she/he showing his attitude? And what about the public? If the one that compromising is the weak person to be taken advantage of? Shall the topic to be tease by others on person who is willing to compromise?

Sometimes, just wonder, if the public is at the side of stabbing the party that is compromising, and popularizing the one that showing ego and so called attitude....
Is world of such fair?

Yeah, the world is never fair. But when this statement is communicated. Shall the person who did the compromising part surrender to the unfairness? Or shall she/he fight over his/her death body ...to show that he/she also a human who has own human right, temper, thinking, and ego?

What is the fair judgement? It sounds that compromising is a weak character, yet the stubborn is the stronger character. Then why shall we compromise? If no one charge to stand for peaceful world, shall we? If we shall compromise, will it cause us to be stabbed much and much?

The world is never fair? And, why shall we be the weak to compromise to others? And why not others compromise to us, and we be the stronger party? Ultimately the world wont be peaceful, cause it is always has the stronger and weaker. It is just a matter of who is the weak and who is the strong.

Damn it! It is an evil's thinking... but who will mind to be evil if he/she is ruling the world from the top? who cares? cause everyone will only admire to the ruler but not the one that being ruled. Is that truth? It is perfectly true, but just the matter of people do not dare to admit, yet pretend to be good in moral perspective. And I doubt, if he/she is to be forced to agree to stronger, although the stronger is wrong... he/she will agree... as bottom line, he/she needs an earning for his/her life... Isnt it very true?

Damn, Damn, Damn it ...That's the reason why people are crazy to be the power manic!

苦中一点甜。。。。

2010-01-18T23:09:00.003+08:00

In the midst of doing support, it is rather a very taxing life...

But, it brings a little of happiness... as i know the more tougher i gone thru, the more i learnt...just that it is really a tough path to go over... Not easy! But God never ensure life is easy to us... rather God ensure you gain the happiness from what you gone thru...bitter sweet moments!

Gambattee!

Live your life with the most happiest feeling that you can...Somehow, with the strong belief that you are living happily.... you will wake up with a sunshine feeling each of the morning... Smile... We are here to support YOU!

Ganbarimasu!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2010-01-15T20:41:00.000+08:00

Origin

This saying first appeared in the 3rd century BC in Greek. It didn't appear in its current form in print until the 19th century, but in the meantime there were various written forms that expressed much the same thought. In 1588, the English dramatist John Lyly, in his Euphues and his England, wrote:

"...as neere is Fancie to Beautie, as the pricke to the Rose, as the stalke to the rynde, as the earth to the roote."

Shakespeare expressed a similar sentiment in Love's Labours Lost, 1588:

Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean,
Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:
Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye,
Not utter'd by base sale of chapmen's tongues

Benjamin Franklin, in Poor Richard's Almanack, 1741, wrote:

Beauty, like supreme dominion
Is but supported by opinion

David Hume's Essays, Moral and Political, 1742, include:

"Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them."

The person who is widely credited with coining the saying in its current form is Margaret Wolfe Hungerford (née Hamilton), who wrote many books, often under the pseudonym of 'The Duchess'. In Molly Bawn, 1878, there's the line "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", which is the earliest citation of it that I can find in print.

Try! Try! Try!

2010-01-14T10:41:00.000+08:00

Try Try Try - Jason Mraz

T-R-Y
Oh baby we can fight like dogs we can fight like cats
A dirty laundry needs a laundry man
Maybe the king and the queen should lay off the caffeine
Baby breathe before you react

Sometimes we do forget to behave
And we regret what we say
Cause words are too weapons
If we don't choose'em carefully
Ladies and gentlemen this is instrumental
If life's to be a bed of roses

I know i gave you everything you like
Because you still give me butterflies

If we just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
Then the world would be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Are we just dangling in the middle of a galaxy
Well i'm stoked on gravity
To be stuck with you like flowers on the dew drops
Now let it in my direction
My direction is up when everybody's down
Cause i don't mind being anybody's clown
I love a little lift cause i'm an optimistic
In an altruistic way

Cause basically this place is needing instruments of harmony
Spreading my philosophy of love and inspiration
Oh these words I speak I commit to like a crime
With a rhythm i deliver i'm giving them a picture
Of the reasons why

We should just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
So the world could be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Well it wouldn't cost a penny but could save so many lonely lives
From teary eyes
If we just try try try
To open up a can of understanding open up your heart
I'm just planting seeds
Cause i believe

We could just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
So the world would be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

If we could try, just to be nice
That could be so beautiful to me
I believe,
Oh that could be so beautiful to me

Bad Day

2010-01-08T19:12:00.003+08:00

Yes, I am very angry.

I feel to lash the person out... as much as i can to punch him until the hell he can live... The anger is damn growing high...

However, I need to learn to behave, to have the polite manner...

Pointless punch wont help ... but the anger is really high... what shall i do?

Arghhh...allow me to scold the rude words.... God Damn YOU...what the hell do you think you are superior than me to instruct me???

It was a damn bad day...

It is so un professional to throw temper to others who has nothing related to you... if there is instable emotions, please leave it before you come to work...no one shall deserve to be treated bad from your bad implication mood at home...

Do you feel to treat so?

Yes, i need to learn to forgive. But, i am a human. I have my own emotion. The most i can do is to keep quiet and negotiate peacefully... But, it is too much to take the advantage granted by others...even to step further insted of nego for win-win solution... What the hell do you think you are?

I wish i can burry the anger inside my heart... but i guess incident happens more than once.. it is called repeatition! Shall i deserve to absorb the unnecessary temper twice? Where is the professional ethic goes? Is the brain that full of knowledge being stuck with shit? Just wonder if the shit has mutated your wisdom... if you stil have wisdom...

Damn! What a bloody bad day??? !

New Journey....

2010-01-08T00:08:00.002+08:00

Everyone has a dream to start the new journey...

When most of your buddies leaving, you started to feel the uncertainty.
Do you want to be the last to leave? Or you want to follow the crowd to leave.

When you seeing the plane leaving to the sky from the platform, you started to feel yourself being left behind. But, do you want to leave because you do not want to be the last to leave?

Shall my new journey is to leave the point that i am standing?

I always wanted to leave, but where to? If you cant find a right one, shall you leave the existing?

I belief with the limit that I have, I can live my own path, my own territory...my victory... But this time, will I ever survive or lost?

I think I started to doubt my thought because I failed times due to holding tight on the existing. If i would take the key learning to leave for the new cheese, I will shorter some unncessary journey...

May the greatest buddha grant me the courages to continue my journey searching...

May the greatest buddha enlighten me with the wisdom to overcome all the obstacles...

May the greatest buddha lead me to the brighter path...

May the greatest buddha purify my mind... a clearer mind, a stronger soul...

寂寞好了

2010-01-02T21:02:00.001+08:00

寂寞好了 - 蔡旻佑

拼命的奢望闷坏的胸
口让我想大声的呐喊
我努力不放你冷淡你让分手就这样
我连做梦也感觉受伤

一年过了还是一天计算着慌张
计程车上的音响我们最爱的情歌
这一刻却重重击破思念的心脏

夜深了我怎么办寂寞了谁在身旁
心情变得好复杂想她念她恨她

一个人你害怕吗细数过漫天星光
说好永远不分开多假多假多假

让记忆长出翅膀飞翔
心放空了寂寞好了

坚强外表下我脆弱情人节开始失常
别人庆祝我却很失落

秋天过了冬天漫长
关于爱感伤
我们天真的勇敢我们追求的梦想
舍不得也只能收藏旅行的时光

夜深了我怎么办寂寞了谁在身旁
心情变得好复杂想她念她恨她
一个人你害怕吗细数过漫天星光
说好永远不分开多假多假多假

让记忆长出翅膀飞翔
心放空了寂寞好了
寂寞感冒全都可以好的

爱多甜伤多痛都释放 oh~

夜深了我怎么办寂寞了谁在身旁
心情变得好复杂想她念她恨她

一个人你害怕吗细数过漫天星光
说好永远不分开多假多假多假

让记忆长出翅膀飞翔 ha~

没有你心放空了寂寞好了

Year of 2010

2010-01-02T00:20:00.005+08:00

It is 2nd day of the year 2010...

I am still awake this early morning.. for your information .. it is 12.20am now.

The night seems very quite... I guess the fun of ushering the new year just over yesterday...And, now everyone started to muse for what to do in the brand new year of the new decade...

I am sort of back behind others... still not able to plan for the new year... But, i heard the whisper to urge me to go further... step ahead from the footprint that i am stepping now...beyond the standpoint that i am located...out of the box... shine myself with my great strength ...You can do it!

The positive energy is growing strong ... i hope it sustains.. and it grows....

To myself, happy new year... and... move! move! roll! roll! to the most glorious edge that u can ...transform the best of yourself to shine among the crowds... Yes.. You can do it!

相知不相爱而相思

2009-12-29T14:04:00.005+08:00

秋风清，秋月明,落叶聚还散,寒鸦栖复惊。
相亲相见知何日，此时此夜难为情；
入我相思门，知我相思苦，
长相思兮长相忆，短相思兮无穷极，
早知如此绊人心，何如当初莫相识

*********************************************

你见，或者不见我
我就在那里
不悲不喜
　　
你念，或者不念我
情就在那里
　不来不去
　　
你爱，或者不爱我
爱就在那里
　不增不减
　　
你跟，或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
　不舍不弃
　　
来我的怀里
或者
　让我住进你的心里
　　
默然　相爱
寂静　欢喜

********************************************

红酥手，黄藤酒，满城春色宫墙柳。
东风恶，欢情薄，一怀愁绪，几年离索。错，错，错。

春如旧，人空瘦，泪痕红浥鲛绡透。
桃花落，闲池阁。山盟虽在，锦书难托。莫，莫，莫!
　
世情薄，人情恶，雨送黄昏花易落。
晓风干，泪痕残。欲笺心事，独语斜阑。难，难，难。

人成各，今非昨，病魂常似秋千索。
角声寒，夜阑珊。怕人寻问。咽泪装欢。瞒，瞒，瞒!

********************************************

《卜算子》李之仪
　　
我住长江头，君住长江尾。
日日思君不见君，共饮长江水。
此水几时休？此恨何时已？
只愿君心似我心，定不负相思意

********************************************

一颗樱桃樊素口，不爱黄金，只爱人长久。　
学画鸦儿犹未就，眉尖已作伤春皱。　　
扑蝶西园随伴走，花开花落，渐解相思瘦。　　
破镜重圆人在否，章台折尽青青柳。

Courageous

2009-12-21T00:43:00.002+08:00

May I have the courageous to roll over the sadness... and the strength to go thru the tough path... with silent and sincere hope...

May I stop slipping unnecessary words... May I stay still to wait for the shower of bless...

May i stop looking back... and moving forward for a better life...

Christmas is coming....missing feel is nearer....

2009-12-20T16:43:00.003+08:00

I love christmas more than chinese new year... It just has no reason to have such pleasure feeling towards the christmas greeting season...

Cool weather...and peoples on the streets are caroling christmas songs...
Malls are crowded with peoples... simply to get christmas gifts to the loves one..
Neon light all over the city...snow dropping.. flakes flying from sky...what a fantastic scenery...it is warmth feeling... christmas is coming.. yes.. christmas is around us...

If i have a dream...I hope I will have another chance to walk thru the streets...with fyling snow flakes .. over my face... having my chocolate bar dipping into the hot water... walk thru the whole streets....enjoying my christmas shopping .... buying gifts to my loves one... I miss the scenery ...just miss it so much...

Coffee, Tea, and ???

2009-12-18T14:37:00.003+08:00

"Hi, how are you? Would like to have coffee or tea for your drink?"

It is an usual question from a waiter or waitress when you are served for breakfast...

It seems that we only have either coffe or tea. But, in the real life... shall we confined ourself between coffee or tea?

It stunts me when i have a late chat with an 'veteran'. If both coffee and tea are not your choice, leave it... go for other drinks... The world is not only having these 2 drinks as breakfast drinks... We shall think out of box if inside the box there is nothing much to stay on...

Another veteran advice... choose your choice, bear your responsibility...He was trying to advice me to overcome an unhealthy thought... I guess I have causing him enough words and advices...At the end, he choose to leave me a statement "it is your choice, you bear your responsibilities.." It is nice of him to advice me, and spent long time to hold my hand to solve the mental issue...But, he is just an ordinary human... who will feel tired... sad...disppointed...I appreciate his time, his effort...although I am dilema on what he told me. His words are true... but my feeling is true as well... To choose what i feel or what he tells... it is neither an easy choice...But he told me, it is my life... i choose and live with my choice... It is very pressure... the underneath pressure that wouldnt notice....but it is streaming to my mind... It causes insomnia... Shall I belief I am strong, or admit I am just an ordinary lady that will have the thought and feeling when the days reach me?

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and giving me advice...You all are my buddies...my good friends...If I would to choose myself... coffee or tea... i think I shall take the advice to think out of the box....................However, rule out the coffee and tea.... what else is offered? I am an asian, I am not into beer or wine everyday... so.. what is the other offer? And, will the immediate offer suit me? Or shall I wait for offer that suit me.. irregardless of time....

There is advice said by veteran... he told me.... it is on the way the offer is coming ... it might be a little bit traffic jam out the town.. causing the delay... but you shall deserve your late happiness like other good persons should be....

My question is: Will I?

Will I able to choose something out of coffee or tea?

Will I????

Forgive and Forget, Move Forward....

2009-12-18T09:53:00.003+08:00

The title sounds familiar...It was once my favourite statement to remind myself do not behave devil, and move forward to better life, do not cling on the past that hindering myself to become better person.

Today, it comes into my mind again.

I learn to forigve people along my growing path. I use to angry and leave behind the unhappiness, without thinking others' thought and feeling. No matter how the person appologise and willing to unlearn. I have no sense to forgive, as it means nothing much than an easy earning friendship. So, usually i choose to ignore. However, when i grow up. I met peoples that really have the sense of being a friend. I am dilema. Shall I forgive them? Well, it is easy to learn to forgive others. I bet! I learn to forgive, and I feel the joy to forgive. With the forgiveness, I am able to forget what is the mistake. And, I am able to move forward for my new life.

That's life! No one is perfect. We learn to be imperfect so that we have room to learn and grow to be better.

Now.... I seen a friend who is not able to forgive and forget his past. And, he is not moving forward, yet clinging on the past. It hinders him to have better life. In fact, he is rolling backward to an uneasy life.

To forgive others, we learn to accept. To forgive ourself... it is a little bit courage that need to be added in.

I use to avoid my thought to recall the past, which is ignoring my past. I tried my best effort to bury my darkside. The darkside that I have moral issues to face it. I thought i can bury forever. However, when the night is late. It usually creeps to my mind. I have hard time to face myself. I am living in a guilty mode. I hate myself, I hate my brought up, I have every piece of mine when the incidents triggered in my mind. It is just ashame to have me living in the world...that's the feeling that i have...So, I choose to ignore...

To ignore, it wont hurt others. But, it simply hurts myself. I am not able to move forward. I am worry, I am paranoid, and I am lacking courage to walk a step further...and I have no one to listen to me... or I dare not tell others...

Until a day, i think i need to do something to myself. I do not want my life to drown because of my past. I tried my best to help others. By helping others I feel better. It does not help to cure my past. But it relief my burden of unforgiving myself. At least, I feel i am helping others. I live to help others so that I feel myself is still worth to life as a human.

Well, feel the value to be a human, still I cant run away of my mistakes. It is still mistake that I have done.. which cant undone. I know ... no matter how much i feel guilty, no matter how much i regret, no matter how much i pray, no matter how much i appologise, no matter how much i kneel down to beg, i cant unwind what have i done... It is too much to be unwind with actions and words that I tried... No cure!

Yes, no cure!

From there, I suffer. It is a very terrible suffering. I live in between my angel and devil thoughts. To continue to be devil or angel? They are fighting... When the devil thought sneaks in, I feel no one understand me, no one helps me, i tried my best, but I am still being ignore, I am still being blame, I am still being treated badly.. why shall i continue to be treated badly.. why shall I be so sad when peoples choose to let go me? why shall I??????

My angel thought becoming dim and dim and dim....it just a shadow that still standing behing to urge me to leave back devil... The feeling is really drowning... I see no hands of others to pull me up... it is totally drowning...

What pull me back to the shore? Somehow, my parents, my religion, my friends.... I see the faces that never let go me... I know i am guilty. I know what i have done... i hurt them... they might giving up me... But, shall i continue to live so... I hurt others that i shouldnt ... should i hurt peoples that loves me more? And, shall i love myself ?

I struggling to move forward.. the wave of devil never slow down.. yes.. it is exhausted... it is extremely tired to struggle alone... but ... it is the determination that pull me back... If no one loves me anymore.. I love myself! I keep on telling myself... If no one in the world appreciate me... i appreciate myself... I will proof that I am a worth loving person... I cant erase the past, but my future will grow glory than my past... I want my future to be compliment... and everyone able to forgive my past...and,.......i need to be the first one to forgive myself to move towards the destiny....

It is never easy ... but, i must struggle to move forward ... to let go all the devil's thought ....

Friend, I hope you can let go the past, forgive your past.. no one is perfect... if you have done it wrongly once.. stop it.. move forward... if you do not move forward, you wont able to see brightside of the world... No one is perfect... did it once wrong, correct it! did it wrong twice...learn the mistake.. why it recurs? learn it, correct it... it is never an easy process... try 100 times, 1000 times until a day ... you forget that how many times you learn and fall .... You will stand up with a beautiful life waiting for you.... It is never too late to start the journey if you determined yourself....

So, move forward...forgive yourself... By forgiving yourself...you will learn to forget.....and leave behing the terrible past.... We are waiting you at the shore... you shall be able to fight down the devil waves........

Friend, be strong! remember we are waiting for you to reach us....

Terlanjak....

2009-12-06T00:14:00.002+08:00

terlanjak perahu boleh berganjak terlanjak kata buruk padahnya...

terlanjak kerja, macam mana??

terlanjak kerja yang tak sepatut... buruk padah akibatnya? Entah! Biarkan! Janji, passionate masih ada...

Life can be simple...

2009-12-01T23:31:00.005+08:00

It was a busy day, and I grab this moment to write down my feeling before hitting to bed.

Although it was busy, it is a contentful day....I like the busy feeling without having much time to gossip around. It has been so long I loose my enthusiasm to work, to think, and to concentrate.

May be the change of position does help, it changes my lifestyle.. at least for today... and I hope it will continue the courage to work passionately.

Due to the works, I decide to realize my thought to rearrange my bedroom - having a writting table, chair, and a radio. I use to have my student life passed thru with these wonderful desk, and chair, and magical radio. It does comfort me to concentrate in doing work without stress. The magical radio helps the mind to concentrate yet it is relaxing concentration.

Day just passed peacefully, and contentful... Life can be just simple as so...

Human Life philosophy: Mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee

2009-12-01T01:11:00.004+08:00

When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Apply this in your life and there'll be no wrong. We are living in a 2nd world country, competition is everywhere. When people working in Sweden do overtime, their boss will not be happy. They'll wonder why they wanna do OT since there's more to life than work.
We work to live, we do not live to work. Only machines in factories live to work.

快乐人生灿烂晴空：愈放下愈快乐

2009-11-22T21:03:00.001+08:00

生活富裕了，但压力越来越大；
收入增加了，但快乐却越来越少。
其实，累与不累只是一种感觉。
压力的大小，主要取决于自己的心态。
快乐与不快乐，就看你是否学会了放下。
放下，是一种生活的智慧。
放下，是一门心灵的学问。
放下压力，活得轻松；
放下烦恼，活得幸福；
放下自卑，活得自信；
放下懒惰，活得充实；
放下消极，活得成功；
放下抱怨，活得舒坦；
放下犹豫，活得潇洒；
放下狭隘，活得自在
人生在世，有些事情是不必在乎的，有些东西是必须清空的。
只有该放下时放下，你才能够腾出手来，抓住真正属于你的快乐和幸福。

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage

2009-11-20T23:49:00.003+08:00

It was a flickering day...Mind keeps swinging, and emotion is not stable...

Tears dropped without control, heart counting hope to get others' sympathetic...

It was an emotional day, and heart just couldnt focus yet growing suspicious feeling...

The feel of inferior growing stronger and stronger...it kills peaceful mind...

It was an uneasy day... A weak word would break the glass heart...

It shrinks one's life...

There shall be a stream to push the negative energy... The internal urge to live life back to normal... to focus on the mind and life contentfully...

The bounce of the heartache shall be cure... the courage to live peacefully ...

Did I ever appologise?

2009-11-20T00:27:00.004+08:00

If I never appologise to you, please forgive me for my ignorance.
I hereby appologise to you for what I have done, it is my fault to cause all these.

If I were deserve for the unforgiveness, I only can say I admit it is my fault, and I again appologise for the faulties that I have done.

I deeply appologise to you. It is the only way that I can do -'APPOLOGISE'.
I strongly hope that I can undo whatever that I have done. But, the truth is, neither you and me have the magical power to unwind it. Again, I appologise for the past, which I cant unwind it.

If i am given a chance to recover the friendship, I will grab it with my greatest sincerity to stitch whatever that has broken. I promise I will handle with care...

It might be just a wish that cant be realize, but I am trying my best to do it...
It might stay as a wish forever, but I do try my best now and ever to stitch the left over friendship... at least with a sincere heart that never want to give up...

I appologise...and that's the only word that I can say ...although it might be or might not be able to reach you...

I appologise...

I hope that is not the destiny that we are ending... I hope that we still have future to complete the friendship destiny ...

Appologise with a wishing heart to recover... although the hope is very thin...I am still carrying it...now and forever...

你最珍贵

2009-11-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

你最珍贵
曲∶凌伟文词∶林明阳/十方编∶杜自持

(男)明年这个时间约在这个地点
(女)记得带著玫瑰打上领带系上思念
(男)动情时刻最美真心的给不累
(女)太多的爱怕醉没人疼爱再美的人也会憔悴
(男)我会送你红色玫瑰
(女)你知道我爱流泪你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女)未来的日子有你才美梦才会真一点
(女)我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男)我不撤退你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合)我愿意这条情路相守相随
你最珍贵
(music)

(男)动情时刻最美真心的给不累
(女)太多的爱怕醉没人疼爱再美的人也会憔悴
(男)我会送你红色玫瑰
(女)你知道我爱流泪你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女)未来的日子有你才美梦才会真一点
(女)我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男)我不撤退你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合)我愿意这条情路相守相随
你最珍贵

(男)我会送你红色玫瑰
(女)你知道我爱流泪你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女)未来的日子有你才美梦才会真一点
(女)我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男)我不撤退你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合)我愿意这条情路相守相随

你最珍贵

A peaceful night

2009-11-19T23:14:00.004+08:00

Calm, peace, glad, relax...that's my feeling of the night.

Calm as not much to worry...
Peace as I am happy internally...
Glad as I am still enjoying my life...I have a say to reject what I do not like, and do what i like...
Relax as I am listening to my lovely song...while waiting my favourite movie being downloaded...

It is going to be Friday soon...Another weekend is approaching...ushering my sweet own time...

Birthday wishes...

2009-11-14T21:48:00.007+08:00

Everyone is granted birthday wishes once a year.

Mine just cross thru the corner. It stunted me when I was being ask to make birthday wishes. I have been living in this world for many years, and I suppose what i am having are sufficient for me to live luxurious then.

What I was wishing, I believe I have been granted since then. For those wishes that still not happening, I wouldnt expect it will happen. There is always an end of everything, and I guess the desire is faded when time pass thru.

It is just too tired to make the wishes that need luck and miracle to realize it. It is far and unreachable.

However, I need the courage to live peacefully, happily.

"At ease, and let go... Life shall be creeping peacefully then..."

An idle brain is the devil's workshop

2009-10-30T20:27:00.002+08:00

It is weekend again... My lovely weekend... But, I need to work for this weekend...Sounds dull? To me, it is glad as An idle brain is the devil's workshop.

A brain in use is better than a brain is idle. At least, the devil wont sneak into an occupied brain...

It is going to be a sleep, eat, think, do weekend... I am glad...

愛我沒有如果

2009-10-25T23:51:00.006+08:00

梁靜茹- 沒有如果

作詞：嚴爵作曲：OC/OA Soulja

如果我說愛我沒有如果
錯過就過你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

如果我說愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還怕什麼
快牽起我的手
有人說
世界上最遙遠的距離不是生與死
而是我就站在你面前
你卻不知道我愛你
我常說如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到
不需要等到地球毀滅掉
的那天
如果我說愛我沒有如果
錯過就過你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口那是不是有一點弱

如果我說愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還怕什麼
快牽起我的手

如果如果沒有如果
如果如果最後變成路過
我也不能接受
錯過錯過不能錯過
錯過錯過我比你更難過
我不會一錯再錯

唉這次不要再隨便錯過

我常說
如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到
不需要等到地球毀滅掉
的那天
別怕太快樂
別怕失去我
如果我說愛我沒有如果
錯過就過你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口那是不是有一點弱

如果我說愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還怕什麼
快牽起我的手

*************************************************

世界上最遙遠的距離不是生與死
而是我就站在你面前
你卻不知道我愛你

我常說如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到
不需要等到地球毀滅掉的那天

如果我說愛我沒有如果
錯過就過你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口那是不是有一點弱

愛我沒有如果......真的愛我就放手一搏...
如果如果最後變成路過...我比你更難過...

.....這次不要再隨便錯過.....

Miracle...

2009-10-16T20:29:00.002+08:00

When i was young, i did believe in miracle...

But now, getting older and older, I think miracle only means for things that are tangible...when you work hard, you get what you plan for...etc... Miracle does not happen for subjective matter... At least, I do not see any miracle for the subjective matter that i am thinking now...

Miracle... is subjective.. is secretive ... and...it is uncatchable...out of control...beyond expectation...

Miracle, will 'you' come along my life thereafter??

I welcome your existence...but will you knock my door?

The heart that never give up to try...

2009-10-06T22:31:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i wonder if what i am think is too sensitive or it is just normal...
Or in another words, if i am avoiding the reality?

I remember i read an article where it says ... if what you feel makes what you are thinking of... do not hesistate to believe what you think... If you feel it, it is what you are really encountering... It does not matter if that is the reality or if you are sensitive ... It is your feeling! It is your thought! Something others do not experience except you!

So, in a word...YOU are who you are.. and you feel what you feel!
If really that is the feeling that you have, believe it... It really does not matter if it is reality or something from your mind.

From here, it is REALITY... voice from your heart and feeling ...
If that is the REALITY, what shall you do? what will you do?

Is it matter to verify what are you thinking of?
Is it matter to confront it?

Although, it is not easy to take it...
It comes this day... when it comes... it is pain... but the pain will heal...just be strong to face it, feel it...

Thousand of couragement being given, but only times will heal the pain...
When the pain is subsided, it will only leave the scar...

Although thousand scars left with nothing...at least... you are strong to try...
The trials might not successful... but without the trial... you will never know your right path...

If there is no right path for you end of the day... at least... you try...

Love

2009-06-13T21:45:00.005+08:00

If I were given a chance to grab it, I will; as it brings me sense of secure, joyfulness, heart warm feeling which I almost forgotten. It is the lovely feeling that I was longing...

It is a trustworthy relationship...someone that you believe in...someone that you trust... someone that wont let you down... someone that will take care of your feeling.... someone that can forgive your wildness behaviour... It might not a perfect romantic relationship, but it does bring joyfulness ...the calm relationship that can long lasting...

Hopefully this is the last and forever relationship ...

A step to reach, yet the gap is so far...

2009-05-10T03:24:00.003+08:00

It is a step to reach, but the gap is so far until I can't sense the bridge.
Most of the time, I am shed by a shadow that I am not able to wipe it out. It is shadow of me, and it is shadow of you. The shadow cant be wipe out, it cant be forgotten. It lives in between. It hurts both, although it is being denied.

And, if even, what have said is true, it is still a step to reach. A step that hold me go no where. To bridge the gap, it does not bring any ending, as the truth is not able to convey. The truth might is a past, but it is still hurting, and holding you back to tell. Your hold back, makes me uncertain to step further.

When a person grows older, we resist to think. As the more we think, the more we sink. To float on the surface to catch the air, we stay tune without moving forward, although we think we are moving forward. Well, we try to hold the past, chase the past, but never take a look into present. When present becomes a past, again we will chase the past. The loop is never ending. And, how could we stop chasing something is already past? Hold the present, and really move forward.

No more moody mood...

2009-02-21T14:51:00.004+08:00

Moody mode has change... When the sun rises, the gloomy day will disappear... When the moody mood is cheer up, the uncertain feeling will be chase away.. and the heart will be fill up with happiness and gratitude...

Illusion is no longer there...it has be shaded with brightness light. Sunlight eaten up the darkness night...Life turns to be full of hope...

Moooooooooody

2009-02-18T19:38:00.002+08:00

Roller coaster feeling...The spike of happy feeling just destroy in a split second... I am not happy...

I am moody...I guess...there is something hiding inside my heart, which I might or might not realize. But, I guess I rather leave it aside. If it is not being dig out, I think it wil be bury inside the heart forever and forever.

I rather believe what I see on the surface of the heart. It is rather cruel to clean the dust and dig out the feel. It will disappear along the wind...it will disappear along the time....

It will disappear....It will....

And, my life will back to normal, I will be happy again.. Life is beautiful again.. and always... It is just an illusion feeling ...

Let go, at ease...

2009-02-14T20:34:00.002+08:00

When you learn to let go, you will feel the freedom from your heart.

When you have the freedom internally, you will not suffer.

When you are not suffering, happiness will always surrouding you.

Let go, at ease...

When it is time to take a break, you shall stop and enjoy the scenery that you have.

Happy Valentines Day... Enjoy the freedom that you have, from the heart, mind, and every pieces of you...

Passionate

2009-01-22T00:02:00.009+08:00

The word passionate is far to me, as I am a impatient person.

From my young age, my father trained me to become a patient person. He use to fetch me late purposely. And, he knew that I will throw temper due to impatient character. But, he insist to let me waited for long long hours just to train me to be passionate enough for everything that is not smooth in life. I learnt to accept as it, be patient, live a life with a boundary, learn the rules of survival. However, when i grow older and older, my passionate level is loosen and loosen. I get angry easily, not patient to wait, eager for things as fast as my eye glance. I sense that I am loosing passionate in everything surrounding me, I expect what i hope will realize as what I wish. I never put on others' shoes to understand others' feeling, and situation. I am selfish! I am inconsiderate.

I wish to change the attitude that I have - I want to become a passionate person that is willing to accept as it, forgive people, passionate to learn to understand situation better, passionate to wait for others to react as they wish to.

Everyone deserves to be treated patiently. I shall respect others' thoughts, feeling, and actions.
I am regret in whatever I have done impatiently causing inconvinient to others. I shall learn to be passionate to wait and respect others. Passionate to go thru the whole situation / story, shouldnt jump into conclusion, and respect each of the decision that make by others, do not simply challenge others' thought as it is incosiderate to others, do not simply deny others' words.

A life without limbs

2009-01-19T23:58:00.010+08:00

Here is a real story that I would like to share with you:
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=MslbhDZoniY

I think everyone face difficulties and disppointment along our life. We easily give up anything that upset us. And, we are lucky enough as we have a choice to learn in a smooth path. If you are born with no limbs, what will be your life? Give up? Or try a thousand or million times to get back up?

Never give up! Life does not give up you, and shall you not give up your life! There is always miracle comes along when you try it up...thousand, million times...it is no end, but it is matters of how you finish it strong...

Words from Nick:

Everyone knows when fall down, we will get back up.
But, sometimes in life, we fall down and may have no strength to get back up, we feel hopeless - do you think you have hope?

When I fall down, face down, no arms and no legs. It should be impossible for me to get back up. But it is not. I would tried 100 times to get up. If I failed 100 times, and give up. Will I able to get back up? The answer is no! But if you try again, and again and again. It is not the end. It is matter of how you are going to finish. Are you going to finish it strong? You will find the strength to get back up......

A letter to my parents

2009-01-19T00:59:00.004+08:00

I always wish to tell my parents, but I think I am a traditional asian that feel hard to say the words out from mouth. But, I learn to write it down.

Dearest papa, mummy,
I miss you so much especially during this festival season. I wish I can always around you and bring you happiness. I always remember that you are the persons that never let go me, and loves me with no expectation. I might be a disobedient daugther, but I would like to appologise for being ignorance for the past years. I love you as much as you love me. Thank you for giving me a warmth home. It is the safest place that I could have when I am hurt, sad, and misplaced my life. I love you!

Little happiness that knock over me

2009-01-18T00:38:00.004+08:00

As I received the letter from my china sponsored child, it reminds me that I have 2 sponsored children, and 1 green turtle, and 1 turtle nest. I am glad that I have them as part of me.

Although it is a financial commitment that I need to pledge, it brings me joyfulness. I have contributed something to this world, and it is my pleasure that I have the capabilities to do so.

Letter from my sponsored child

2009-01-18T00:25:00.004+08:00

It is glad that I receieved a letter from the child that I sponsored.
But the sorrow feeling comes across when I read thru the writting from the father.

She is a happy girl with no worry, and likes to learn. But she is born in a family with a long term illness father, and a handicap mother. If there is no one sponsor her, she might not able to persue her study.

I am glad that I am given a chance to sponsor the child. I shall feel gratitude to the life that I have now, and try my very best to help those that in need.

Live life to the fullest although it is imperfect

2009-01-17T00:07:00.005+08:00

Dont cling to perfectionist as life is not about perfect or not.
Live life to the fullest although it is imperfect.

Accept as is, forgive yourself, forgive others.
If you are able to forgive yourself, you are able to forgive others.
If you are able to love yourself, you are able to love others.

Practice meditation although it is just a breath in and out. Start from a breath in and out, and increase to the fullest mind that you are able to concentrate.
Live in the present, there is not necessary to review the past. Present is the result of the past, and future is the result of the present. Living in present will make you see your past and result in future.

Forgive yourself as if you forgive others. See but not look, hear but not listen. If it is a mistake, see it but dont look into it. Forgive it although you cant forget it.

Mind management: awareness, concentrate, wisdom. I hope what i learn today, I can practice as much as I can.

Encouragement

2009-01-16T18:49:00.005+08:00

I need courage to admit what I have done is wrong.
I need courage to overcome the fear that I have.
I need courage to talk to the person who hurt me before.
I need courage to against the phobia.

Today, I have the courages to go thru what I mentioned above. I wish to admit what I have done is wrong. I wish to have no fear on whatever I am encountering. I wish to talk to the person who hurt me earlier - I wish to go for chantting that I let go long time ago. I appologise that I let go my religion due to my fear to admit what have passed. I wish the phobia that I have can be broken with the wishes that I mentioned.

I am back to normal

2009-01-16T18:32:00.004+08:00

To my dearest friends, thanks for the regards.
I am back to normal after some thoughts and readings.

The refresh feeling is there, no more hatred heart. And, I am glad that I can recover fast and feel the warmth friendship.

I was lost, but I see the direction now.
I was frustrated, but I understand the situation better now.
I was not happy, but I am peaceful now.

Again, put on my running shoes, walk thru the journey to the best that I can.
Life is still going on. Let go, at ease. If you understand the saying - 随缘莫攀缘。随缘自着，攀缘烦恼。Let bygone be bygone. Shall the better will come.

I am glad that I am a religious buddhist, who is given a chance to understand human living better.

I am sad...

2009-01-14T00:37:00.002+08:00

I am sad, but I am not able to show on face.
I love someone, but I am not able to tell.
I make wrong response, but I am not able to retract.
I am wrong, but I have no chance to appologise.

Now, I am suffering. And, I scare to experience the suffer feeling. I try to hide, and it makes things worse. No one trust I am sad. What shall I do? I crack my head, but there is no answer.

I shall let the person knows that I am sad. But, will he trust me again?

I am scare to experience the sadness. I know I will drown to die.
What shall I do? Can I stand the sadness alone?

New Year New Resolution

2009-01-11T03:07:00.003+08:00

New year new resolutions...

Practice the NO:
1.) No fear
2.) No hatred heart
3.) No jealous
4.) No wild thinking
5.) No swingy mood
6.) No self abuse
7.) No rude word
8.) No suspicious thought
9.) No discourage heart
10) No critism

Practice the YES:
1.) Be strong
2.) Be kind
3.) Be generous
4.) Be stable
5.) Be patient
6.) Be passionate
7.) Be polite
8.) Be steady
9.) Encouragement
10.) Appreciate & Compliment

May all the Yes and No being practice with peaceful mind and happy feeling heart.
May all the Yes and No bring joyfulness to the new year...

Eyes vs Mind

2009-01-11T02:53:00.006+08:00

I see what I have seen, but I hope what I have seen is not the truth.
It was shocking my head to toe, but I have seen what I shall not see.

I do not agree, but I can't deny.
I do not believe, but I have seen.

To discard the truth, I shall tell myself I am having short sighted eyes. If I am having eyes problem, what I have seen is just a shadow which make not truth.
If it is not the truth, I am still able to hold my strong belief.
With the strong belief, there is no fear.
When there is no fear, life is always at the bright side.

And, I shall tell myself - life is always full of hope...

What will you do?

2008-12-25T02:41:00.003+08:00

Will you trust someone that break the trustworth that given?
If yes, will you continue to tell the truth?

Telling the truth might kill a person's good will.
Telling lie is even causing confusion to others. So, what shall we do?

Dilemma! If it is given a chance to accept as it, or deny what is being told? What will you choose?
It is a little bit go no where! We are struggling in between to trust or not to trust...

To prevent or cure

2008-12-21T16:55:00.003+08:00

I guess everyone chooses to prevent rather than to cure.
I think I do agree to prevent as well.
But, if you only notice it is too late to prevent... then the only option that you have is to cure.

Prevention is a proactive action, cure is a reactive action. And there shall be minimal consequences for people that able to act carefully thus act swiftly to prevent the disaster that is coming. Only the person that drowning with happiness carelessly will be punish for the bad consequences...

It might be the difference of prevention and cure. Do you agree?

The question of love ... by Visuddhacara

2008-12-21T16:02:00.003+08:00

A human being is a lonely being. It seeks love and understanding. It seeks to find this love from another human being, in the arms of another human being. It yearns for somebody to be its companion in the journey of life. But is is not uncommon for a human being to find heartbreak instead, to have its dreams shattered, its heart broken. Have you had your heart broken before? Do you not feel like your world has collapsed then, that everything's over and life's not worth living anymore?

A human being does not understand that a happiness that depends on another is never secure or steady. It is shaky and vulnerable. For another might change and what would happen to its love then? And even when the love is sustained and grows, there's always the inevitable separations that must come about through death. And a human being might well ask: "Why must we find love only to die?"

But because of its great loneliness and deep yearning, a human being seeks love even if it knows it must suffer for it. It feels, rightly or wrongly, that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." For a human being is a lonely creature. It must find love, even if it has to lose and to die. It must take all the happiness it can get in its short life on earth. It must make the most of it. Must it not?

We must understand a human being, its need to love and be loved, its craving for love. And two lovers too, we know, can find their joy and happiness, albeit not without the pain and agony that must accompany such love. They can support and comfort each other along the journey of life. They can travel together.

But can a human being transcend the need for such kind of love? Can a human being live alone and still love all beings? Can a human being love without any need for sensual gratification, without any expectations or rewards from any quarter, without a psychologically dependent kind of realtionship, the type of love that depends upon another behaving in a certain way towards one, and if that human being changes and stops behaving in that way, then the love turns sour, turns bad? Can a human being transcend the need for such a kind of dependent love? I think it would be most difficult for a human being, most difficult, in fact, for all human beings, to transcend the need for such kind of love.

But it is good for a human being to give some thought, to consider more deeply the question of love, so that understanding, it can love more understandingly, more knowingly.

If only I am passionate to help...

2008-12-21T15:44:00.006+08:00

To my stupidity, and ignorance, I have make a mistake to rush into helping others. I was thinking I shall take the charge to help, but I forget the pain that I incured when my stupidity didnt take care of other's heart feeling.

To my dearest friend, I appologise for being rude and ignorance on my words.
I am sorry. Please forgive me. I was wrong. I was too harsh. I was nasty. it was thougthless and unkind of me. How could I have been so heartless!

To my ignorance, I shall learn to be passionate enough to understand the pain that you have. I appologise for being harsh and rush to peel off the hurt that you have a layer to another layer. I forget to take care the painfulness when being peeling off, the scars that are still bleeding and crying. I am regret to the rush actions that I was hoping to cure the hurt that you have for years. I might have close the trustworthy door that given by you. I appologise for being not respecting the privacy. But I do hope that there is a chance to proof the passionate that I am improving to help you. If you still believe that I can help.

To remind myself to be gentle and kind, for our hearts which feel...

A heart feels
Oh! so much
so very deeply.

When you hold
a heart
in your hand
please be very gentle
O be very gentle!
Say not a hurting word.
Look not a spiteful look.
Draw it close to your breast.
Feel its warmth and tenderness
its fears and hopes.
Hug it, love it.
Treasure it, but o please
Don't ever hurt it!

A heart is very soft,
tender, and fragile,
easily broken.

When you hold
a heart
on your hand
Hold it with utmost care!
Love it with truest love!
Lest it trembles
and breaks!

......................poem by Visuddhacara

How to treat the Past?

2008-12-21T00:52:00.007+08:00

Just read from a quotes - how to go thru the pass so that you can disconnect your habbit?

Here is the quotes:

It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of your life.

It is always not easy to quit smoking or drinking. But, if you do not start from today, everyday is a temptation to you. If you do not determine today, you will always drive by the addiction.

It is the same for you to disconnect from an impossible relationship. It might be a habbit for you to have the person day to day with you. Without the hope, you feel your life is missing something, and your heart is misplaced. But, if the person is someone that could let you go, you must learn how to walk on your own. Your happiness shall not count on others, you shall bear the responsibilities on your own.

It might be a habbit that you may be tempted to give up. But dont give up! When you've misplaced your hopeful life, dare to believe again it is possible. Every human deserves a better life if he/she learns to grow. God will only punish someone who is punishing him/herself.

Catch a ray of sunshine,and hold on tightly. Each baby falls when he/she learns to walk. If the parents does not determine to hold his/her hand, he/she wouldnt able to walk on his/her feet when he/she grows. The one who holds your hand... will never let you go.The one that let you go, will not turn twice...

Stand still and brave to hold your believe. You shall be able to have your newly life if you are able to let go bravely...

Every new day is another chance to change your life! Grab the day, and start from today. If you failed on the day, start again, and determine to hold your believe. It might be slow, but it will happen if you hold it and believe in it!

Again, you might be smiling with a sour and bitter heart. But it will not always raining days... you shall see the rainbow when the rain subsides... And, you will appreciate when the sunshine again... that's life.

***An article that might help to retract yourself from clinging the past. http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule

Christmas is coming... New Year is waiting...

2008-12-13T16:15:00.011+08:00

It is December now, and it is christmas month. This is a festive session, where greetings and wishes all around us. December is the last month of the year. Soon, it will farewell the current year, and welcome the new coming year.

When you hear the jingle bell song singing around...we know that Santa Claus is on his way riding the rudolf deer to greet us merry christmas ...when jinggle bell song leaving far and faded from the distance... we know that new coming year is reaching...Spring cleaning is needed to welcome the new year!

Year end holidays is reaching... there is no reason to be a reason for christmas celebration and new year greetings... Got your christmas clothing? Have your church choir start preparing the christmas carols? Have you start decorating the christmas tree at home? Do you have your christmas socks prepare to receive the christmas present? Oh yeah...Have you done your christmas shopping? Everyone is waiting for warm wishes and a christmas gift...So do I..:-)

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!
May all your wishes come true...
May happiness always surrouding you...

Up and Down

2008-12-02T01:22:00.004+08:00

Shall i able to devote the emotion and feeling of mine, i will be having my sweet dream now.

It is 1:23am, and I am still awake with my favourite insomnia song. Why i called it insomnia song? It just touches my sweet and sour memories whenever it is being turn on.

Life is full of up and down. When you are at the top looking down, the feeling is high...full of hope. However, when times comes you will gaze to the sky in the middle of the night...something crawling into your heart...It is the feeling of uncertainty.

Uncertainty! It just haunted your heart and mind. It drives you no where, yet you can't leave it aside to move forward.

Shall tomorrow I see the light when I reach the end of the tunnel. Shall tomorrow when dawn pass thru, i will see the sunlight...Shall I see the gloria morning when I wake up ...Shall the bird singing cheerfully when sun rises...Shall the world peaceful without fear and war...

I guess... no matter how hard i pray... it is being arranged for everyone's destiny...
Again, stand still, pray the best... welcome it with smilling face ... although it might not be the happiest smile that you can contribute... but when you smile, there shall be voices whisper to your heart... life is still going on... chance is still in front... walk thru it... experience it... feel it... and you shall see the result when the day comes....

December holiday plans

2008-11-30T09:19:00.002+08:00

It is reaching December month...I will be having my long holidays for plan and unplan vacation.

I will be leaving to Hatyai and Koh Samui next weekend. Hatyai and Koh Samui are located at southern part of Thailand. As being known that Thailand is a bit dangerous now. So, I am still in the midst to decide if going or not. I haven't inform my parents and sister about my trip. I know once i tell them, the trip shall be cancelled immediately for me. But, if I am eager to go for the trip? I guess, it is just 50% of excitment for this trip. Why so? It is simple, as I am from north of Malaysia - Hatyai is just very near to the place I was raise. How about Koh Samui? Well, it is a nice beach, I guess... But, at this moment, I am not really fancy about beach. It is christmas session... I am more into winter and cold weather celebration...Perhaps beer is one of the celebration way. Oops! I shall kick out that silly idea...Remember, I shall reduce the liquod intake.

So, where I prefer to have my vacation plan? Hmm... in fact I am hoping that I can go to Singpore for the Christmas feel celeberation. But, I shouldnt pray that thailand situation goes bad. It is just shouldnt be that way.

Let thing goes naturally, shall I be going to Thailand or Singore?
Suddenly, I feel that Singpore is more suitable to me as I feel to travel alone to some places that is safe, yet transportation is convinient. It mimic some places that I am missing...

Walking alone on the street, seeing people crowding for christmas shopping, beer drinking along the cafe, colourful neon light along the shopping malls, people smoking in front of malls to keep body warm, visitors holding camera to snapshot the christmas decoration....Where was it?
It is a place where i walked until i cant continue, yet I can just sit in front of the mall to take my good rest, having myself to do some embrassing action (I was taking off my shoes and change the ankle protector in front of the crowd, so what? no one cares!) , and looking at peoples crossing the road without having an eye sight on me...i am totally on my own, doing whatever i wish to...It was very cold! A cup of hot chocolate makes the different...No nice restaurant, but just a hot drink along the street, walking from up to down streets... crossing few undergrounds...yet I still did not feel to leave the colourful neon light cities...

Well, gal, wake up! It is just a blog writting. Do not go far, back to the reality... It is just matter of how you cheer up life... no more winter christmas, but we have delicious dim sum breakfast here... Oh yeah! I shall make a move for my dim sum breakfast... Shall I begin my day with nice breakfast after few days' fasting...

Life is going slow...

2008-11-30T08:45:00.003+08:00

It has been 2 weekends, I reduce my activities. The reasons being is I was being commented no time for myself, no time for ad-hoc appointment anymore, and I am sick - tougue and gum ulcer.

Anyhow, these 2 weeks, I still getting some new friends who just getting to know me. And, they always see me online, seems very free and homely type... Well, one of them were thinking that it is due to the place that I stay, it is not convinient for me to go out. Hmm... I think it is a new reason for myself, to reject some activity invitations.

So, will I continue with no activity for next few weeks? I guess if everything goes smooth, it will be a busy weeks for me.

I love staying at home, and I love outing as well...Sometimes, I guess we just need to balance our life.

Birthday Parties...

2008-11-20T19:13:00.004+08:00

Wow...I am having my 2nd parties that have more than 2 persons...

The 1st party that I have was in Brussel with 3 big fruttie pies from Holland. Thanks to my colleagues...who I always want to wish my appreciation, but I just couldnt express in a very touching way... Thanks Sven! Thanks Dirk! It shall go to you a year back...But, I guess my words just couldnt make u touch more...

The 2nd parties.. well...it is partiES. I was eating from morning to midnight. And, continously 3 days celebrations. Thanks buddies... thanks friends, thanks whoever celebrated and paid the bill.
Eating is one of the conventional way of celebrating festival, special day, and seasonal occasion by chinese. We practice it since we were young. Never came into my mind, we do practice western celebration... drinking!

It was a drinking party! Shooter, cocktail, beer, liquod....I just pity my liver... how could it stand so much alchohol in a night?! But, can I reject the celebration?! Well, it is impossible! I hate it, yet I love it!

Did I get drunk?! To my cockiness...I was not at all...

But, I guess I need to reduce the alchohol to rescue my liver, to subside my cockiness. hehe...

Dear friends, I like to drink, but I love myself as well... Never again drinking session for me!

Looking forward

2008-10-12T23:50:00.003+08:00

I am looking forward to knowing what has been arrange for me...

I believe the journey is always not easy. Bitter and sweet, it is still the journey that I need to go thru. I will go thru with my heart. Feel it, face it, experience it, and learn from it.

It might not what I hope to, but I know it is something that I need to learn to grow.
No one hold charge of my life, I shall learn how to appreciate and cheer up my life. Rainy day with umbrella, sunny day with laughters. That's life! I shall learn to smile everyday. It might not be the happiest smile. But, it helps to go thru each of the days of mine.

I might not know what is being arrange to me now, but I believe I deserve to get better each day that I go thru - as I learn to live my life in a non perfect but peaceful way.

Realize...

2008-10-12T23:05:00.016+08:00

It was a pleasant Saturday as I am able to finish my work on time, and no interference to my appointment.

While I was on my way back home, I received a call from someone that I have never seen for 2 years plus. However, she was once appeared in my life for 5 years, who I was meeting every weekend, and staying 2 years together, who I need to pay respect to, who I need to obey to her words, who I nearly need to stay together for my life, who I need to take care the rest of her life if the knot is being tied. She was also the one that I use to hate most, who I blame so much, and who I swore that I will never forgive her.

Never in my mind that I will receive her call, I thought it was a miss calling phone call. However, she made the 2nd attempt to call again. A bit stunt, but still, I picked up the call. I was not able to make the 1st greet, as I have no confident it is a call to me. Shocking, and suprising feeling.

She made the 1st sentence to remind me who she is. I think she realize that it has been a while, we never seen and contacted each others. In fact, I did not hope to meet her for the rest of my life. I thought I will hate her since the day I left. Suprisingly, I have no feeling on this person anymore. Not even to deny or off the call.

I was being asked to pick up my left over stuff. She found out the stuff while she was helping her son to tidy up the room. And, I was being asked when can I go back to pick up them. Spontaneously, I rejected to go back this weekend. I guess I try to buy sometime for myself to think thru shall I back to meet her. It is really a shock to me, as I do not believe that she will ask me back to pick up the stuff that I never need since the moment I move out. And, i strongly believe, I will not need those stuff anymore, as I never need them within the 2 years of my life. I might think too much. But, it is really a midst to me.

However, I am glad of myself. I am able to handle well, and I have no more heart feeling. It is just a friend that I never contacted long time. In fact, if she wants to know the reason, I shall give her a better feeling reason. Nothing much need to be change, as everything is already passed. No matter whoever and whatsover to be blame, it does not help the situation anymore. It is too far to be shorten the distance.

I start to realize, when time past, nothing need to be done anymore. It is a past. Time slips from our palms, no one can grip it. Pain heals along the time...

I shall glad that I have been given a chance to live and learn together. It might not be a happy journey, but still, we have gone thru for years. Glad that we were able to make our turns since we are not fated to the same destination.

Sunday evening...

2008-10-05T17:27:00.004+08:00

It was not a long weekend to me... I was working, and staying at home to continue my house cleaning and decorating project. Well, a lot of ideas being thought of. And, i guess it was too idealistic until I was disppointed when i reach IKEA. End up, I think I shall get a carpenter to customize what i need. Anyhow, I will walk thru the idea piece by piece before it turns into action. The idea is like puzzle pieces, I am trying to merge all the pieces into a big picture. But, I just couldnt merge each of them in a sequential manner.

Elegant or colourful theme? I like the elegant look, as it shows the house looks high class and 'mature'. Yet, I feel it too dull especially if I have to work late under stressful condition. I need some colourful environment to cheer up the dullness work life. Hmm, now, I cant recall why i resisted the colourful design. Oh yeah, I resisted the design due to the colours might cause messy to the house. And, it might not last long as the colour might out of date.

Anyhow, I am going to change the flowers in the living room. No more yellow leaves, and yellow flowers, cause it does look dull!

Amazingly, my mind is being occupied with all these housing decoration plan, and no more wild thinking. A friend of mine has given me the statement - the more you experience it, the more you can handle it well. It is very amazing; only 2 days, I am able to recover well. Bravo to myself! Once again, I am able to stand up fast after falling down. I shall wave farewell to the past, and move forward. I shall have a elegant and colourful life!

Thanks to my dear friends who willing to be my listeners.

Feeling of the day

2008-10-04T00:41:00.003+08:00

I just back from a movie - mamma mia. I guess I make the right choice to watch this movie as it is very funny and touching. It was not a pleasant friday to me today. I was low esteem due to some conversation that I had in the afternoon. Anyhow, I decided to move on... Well, it is not a right timing to decide now, but I think I deserve a break for myself.

I am glad that I have a group of cheerful colleagues and friends. It does help to ensure life is always fun to go thru.

I was a bit blur today, and did wrongly on the database. It is a production database! DBA huh... it is really a big impact to the business, and DBA's reputation. It is like a doctor having wrong medicine to a patient. It is very awkful! In a split second, I was run into total tension mode. I do not want my reputation to be spoilt, and life of DBA being ruined. I was fortunate enough that the database is being rescue without any impact to the business. My learning and skillset still able to cover my own mistaken... Lucky! God Bless huh!

Gal! Cheer up! You know your problem! Cheer up! Cheer up! Do not let it beat you down! Life is not just about that, it is more to go!

Life is about how you spice it up! Experience the journey, bitter, sweet and sour will be left aside when you reach the destiny that you dream of...You need to believe what you dream of will come thru one day... Stand still for the coming day.. You just need to believe it!

Monday Blues...

2008-09-23T15:17:00.007+08:00

We always struggle to wake up in time to work on Monday. Everyone is singing blues on Monday morning. But, life is still going on, earning is still promising, and everything is going ordinary smooth.

15th Sept, 2008 - I think this is being quoted as Black Monday to wallstreet. Many peoples loose jobs, and earning of future is uncertain. This is really blues to most of the peoples, when no one sense the disaster coming in...

Although bailout has been done, will it help the ordinary employee recover fast? Question is still in mind.

Shall we sing blues on Monday now?
I think sometimes, we just need to appreciate what we have, and where we live.

I am who I am..

2008-09-08T21:27:00.005+08:00

I am not a brave person to admit who I am.
I use to retract my words when I am being scare off.
I use to deny my feeling when I ask to express...

The more i like something, the more i feel hard to catch it. The more I try to express, the more I speak wrongly. Do I have to explain myself everytime when things happen? I tried. But I guess, it is just being thought as a 'serious' person.

So, am I gutless?

I do not like to be understood by others. I totally out of tune to be understood. I like to work things differently when I sense someone is trying to understand me. And, I act differently when I try to understand others.

I tried to understand myself, but I feel that the flow of denial is strong...I do not allow myself to understand myself either...

I am hiding for something, something that I feel so strong that denying my thought, my words, and my actions... What is that?

It is an evil thought that resist myself to move forward... I guess...

Helpless sickness

2008-09-07T22:58:00.007+08:00

I am getting worse and worse of the sickness... The drowning feeling is nearer and nearer... I need to survive myself as soon as possible... before the water sipping much and much and the ship sinks...

Force of reality is there, nothing much that can be done... other than ... run! run! run as fast as you can! run as far as you will..

I shall see the light at the end of the tunnel... i shall... i suppose to...

The wave is pulling me downwards, the water is reaching my nose... i am half death.. as my breath is getting weak and weak... Help! I need the buoyancy aid tyre.. If not, please throw me a rope to pull me up to the shore... I would want to have a clear breath... I want to have my life without struggling in the middle of the sea... out from being urge by the wave... no hitting from the ship plank... Help me!

Too much gap to be perfect

2008-09-04T22:44:00.003+08:00

Am I a good daughter to my parents?

Am I a rule follower in the country?

Am I consider technical competent for my career?

Am I loyal to myself?

Am I contributing to the community?

Am I a good employee for my company?

Am I keeping what I have promised?

Am I .....................................................??

Who shall decide?

2008-09-04T22:26:00.003+08:00

Decision! Decision! Decision!

Who shall make the final decision? You or me?

Why cant we voluntarily assume the responsibility to make the decision?

Do you worry about the accountability and responsibility that you need to bear if the decision does not turn into a fruitful result?

Am I the one that dare not hold the consequences of the decision? I think I prefer to contribute the idea rather than being the decision maker.

So, you have to make the call. And, I did my part. It is time for you to consider my input... Just follow your thought as it does not matter what I say or think, but it is more of a matter of what your opinion is.

You would rather believe in what you want to believe in than the thought that I have.

Empty week for myself

2008-08-22T23:25:00.006+08:00

It has been a week passed. Yet, I did nothing for myself.

No facial, no SPA, no massage, no gymn, no exercise, no hair saloon... What am I doing?
I feel that I am looking messy, tired, no mood... arghhhh... I shouldnt live in such situation...I just couldnt stand that I am a lazy woman...It shouldnt be me!

There is no blog reading and english vocabulary study for few weeks. And, you shall notice that my blog writting is getting worse. Although I have read thru some flowery blogs, the words just couldnt go into my brain. My blogs are just pale and plain. I must be very lazy lately!

It is procastination curse that causing laziness...

Break the curse! No more procastination nex week! Shall you tidy up yourself, please!

CharacterS of mine

2008-08-19T22:34:00.005+08:00

Weekday - work from 8.30am to 5.30pm, daily meeting from 9pm to 10pm.
Weekend - few outing, and eating sessions, and work.

Is this a tiring week? I think it shall be. But, I am still satisfy with what I have now. At least, I am contented with what I am doing now.

I like to ramble because time always not enough for me. My colleagues commented me as a person that can't stand still for a moment. In fact, I think I am. But, the weird part is - sometimes I like to talk crap in a crowd of friends, sometimes I like to be leave alone in the corner, and sometimes I just have no word in front of the crowd, sometimes I also like to have only few close friends to have personal chats. I remember my aura scan result described me as active and passive person at different moments. I can turn to be a silent person after a big crap talk. And, I can be super active after staying at home for 48 hours.

Which type of the person i prefer to be? To be a talkertive person or a silent person?
Frankly speaking, I have no idea. It really depends on the environment, and mood of the moment.

House Cleaning Progress

2008-08-19T22:13:00.004+08:00

It has been 2-3 weeks the house cleaning is in progressing...
It was started with a great progress, but the effort going down and down then.

Anyhow, I am very glad that only few boxes are still pending to clear. I have thrown away quite few boxes of books, training materials, clothes, etc. It is an effort to clean up the house, as well as to throw away the unwanted memory that left behind. Now, everything shall be swept away. No more rubbish in the house, and in the memory. ^__^

Some design and decoration shall be arrange. No more yellow fake flowers, and dying leaves. No more plastics collection (I use to collect plastics for rubbish usage). No more out of fashion clothes. No more obsolete tech books. Everything shall be in a fresh look, and up to date. ~_~

I will need a shopping for living room, family hall, and my bedroom! Well, I think I got the idea for each of the area. Hopefully I am able to complete the whole cleaning, and setup fast.
Although it is a tiring task, I enjoy it! Satisfaction is there!

May be a gathering shall be held to celebrate my great effort...Do you think so?

Saturday

2008-08-16T02:29:00.006+08:00

It takes me very long to reach Saturday. I was longing so much for Saturday this week. No date, no work, no outing, nothing... purely I am waiting for it! And, I do really hope nothing will fall in this Saturday. I need a rest! I need my own time and space to connect my body to my soul...

I need a relax Saturday to clear my mind, and to search my soul. I find out that I was busying for nothing this week. I just cant find myself in any room this week. I need my own time...

I will sleep as much as I can, sip my coffee or tea in the morning. Going out for good breakfast, cleaning house, and again take my sweet time to rest.

Do not ask why i am so tired, my eyes just couldnt open when my body touch the sofa. I was sleeping in the living room letting the olympic program on the tv... how could I? I was half way watching the woman double badminton final. But, the eyes just couldnt stand the mind tireness. And, they just close without my sense. Ouuchhhh... I am very sleepy!

I shall find my time to recharge myself... I guess this is the aging sign.

Vins' Life

Again...Need Luck

Luck is not always at this side...

Secretive yet pathetic

money not enough....

What will you do?

Too much complaints that cant be release

伯牙絕弦

Grateful / Thankful

Economy Frustration

Life is too busy, yet contented

GLAD to be TOGETHER, ENJOY to be ALONE

You and Me

Doubt, skeptical, indecisive, vacillating, uncertainty...

思念是一种病

Cocky...

Sensitive, Fragile

Friday...

一人一半

看破，放下，随缘，念佛

Thought of the Day...

Sunday Chantting

修行。。。之一。。。

Peaceful and contented

无常

Thank You...

Chinese New Year Lightings

Taman Rimba Kiara TTDI

A Year with A Simple Plan

Blessing

游子心情

眼光，是你的智慧；運氣，是你的福德

Chinese New Year Greetings....

世间无常

Living Alone...

Dare You?

Compromise

苦中一点甜。。。。

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Try! Try! Try!

Bad Day

New Journey....

寂寞 好了

Year of 2010

相知不相爱而相思

Courageous

Christmas is coming....missing feel is nearer....

Coffee, Tea, and ???

Forgive and Forget, Move Forward....

Terlanjak....

Life can be simple...

Human Life philosophy: Mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee

快乐人生灿烂晴空：愈放下愈快乐

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage

Did I ever appologise?

你最珍贵

A peaceful night

Birthday wishes...

An idle brain is the devil's workshop

愛我沒有如果

Miracle...

The heart that never give up to try...

Love

A step to reach, yet the gap is so far...

No more moody mood...

Moooooooooody

Let go, at ease...

Passionate

A life without limbs

A letter to my parents

Little happiness that knock over me

Letter from my sponsored child

Live life to the fullest although it is imperfect

Encouragement

I am back to normal

I am sad...

New Year New Resolution

Eyes vs Mind

What will you do?

To prevent or cure

寂寞好了