相知不相爱而相思

秋风清，秋月明,落叶聚还散,寒鸦栖复惊。
相亲相见知何日，此时此夜难为情；
入我相思门，知我相思苦，
长相思兮长相忆，短相思兮无穷极，
早知如此绊人心，何如当初莫相识

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你见，或者不见我
我就在那里
不悲不喜
　　
你念，或者不念我
情就在那里
　 不来不去
　　
你爱，或者不爱我
爱就在那里
　 不增不减
　　
你跟，或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
　 不舍不弃
　　
来我的怀里
或者
　 让我住进你的心里
　　
默然　相爱
寂静　欢喜

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红酥手，黄藤酒，满城春色宫墙柳。
东风恶，欢情薄，一怀愁绪，几年离索。错，错，错。

春如旧，人空瘦，泪痕红浥鲛绡透。
桃花落，闲池阁。山盟虽在，锦书难托。莫，莫，莫!
　
世情薄，人情恶，雨送黄昏花易落。
晓风干，泪痕残。欲笺心事，独语斜阑。难，难，难。

人成各，今非昨，病魂常似秋千索。
角声寒，夜阑珊。怕人寻问。咽泪装欢。瞒，瞒，瞒!

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《卜算子》 李之仪
　　
我住长江头，君住长江尾。
日日思君不见君，共饮长江水。
此水几时休？此恨何时已？
只愿君心似我心，定不负相思意

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一颗樱桃樊素口，不爱黄金，只爱人长久。　
学画鸦儿犹未就，眉尖已作伤春皱。　　
扑蝶西园随伴走，花开花落，渐解相思瘦。　　
破镜重圆人在否，章台折尽青青柳。

Courageous

May I have the courageous to roll over the sadness... and the strength to go thru the tough path... with silent and sincere hope...

May I stop slipping unnecessary words... May I stay still to wait for the shower of bless...

May i stop looking back... and moving forward for a better life...

Christmas is coming....missing feel is nearer....

I love christmas more than chinese new year... It just has no reason to have such pleasure feeling towards the christmas greeting season...

Cool weather...and peoples on the streets are caroling christmas songs...
Malls are crowded with peoples... simply to get christmas gifts to the loves one..
Neon light all over the city...snow dropping.. flakes flying from sky...what a fantastic scenery...it is warmth feeling... christmas is coming.. yes.. christmas is around us...

If i have a dream...I hope I will have another chance to walk thru the streets...with fyling snow flakes .. over my face... having my chocolate bar dipping into the hot water... walk thru the whole streets....enjoying my christmas shopping .... buying gifts to my loves one... I miss the scenery ...just miss it so much...

Coffee, Tea, and ???

"Hi, how are you? Would like to have coffee or tea for your drink?"

It is an usual question from a waiter or waitress when you are served for breakfast...

It seems that we only have either coffe or tea. But, in the real life... shall we confined ourself between coffee or tea?

It stunts me when i have a late chat with an 'veteran'. If both coffee and tea are not your choice, leave it... go for other drinks... The world is not only having these 2 drinks as breakfast drinks... We shall think out of box if inside the box there is nothing much to stay on...

Another veteran advice... choose your choice, bear your responsibility...He was trying to advice me to overcome an unhealthy thought... I guess I have causing him enough words and advices...At the end, he choose to leave me a statement "it is your choice, you bear your responsibilities.." It is nice of him to advice me, and spent long time to hold my hand to solve the mental issue...But, he is just an ordinary human... who will feel tired... sad...disppointed...I appreciate his time, his effort...although I am dilema on what he told me. His words are true... but my feeling is true as well... To choose what i feel or what he tells... it is neither an easy choice...But he told me, it is my life... i choose and live with my choice... It is very pressure... the underneath pressure that wouldnt notice....but it is streaming to my mind... It causes insomnia... Shall I belief I am strong, or admit I am just an ordinary lady that will have the thought and feeling when the days reach me?

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and giving me advice...You all are my buddies...my good friends...If I would to choose myself... coffee or tea... i think I shall take the advice to think out of the box....................However, rule out the coffee and tea.... what else is offered? I am an asian, I am not into beer or wine everyday... so.. what is the other offer? And, will the immediate offer suit me? Or shall I wait for offer that suit me.. irregardless of time....

There is advice said by veteran... he told me.... it is on the way the offer is coming ... it might be a little bit traffic jam out the town.. causing the delay... but you shall deserve your late happiness like other good persons should be....

My question is: Will I?

Will I able to choose something out of coffee or tea?

Will I????

Forgive and Forget, Move Forward....

The title sounds familiar...It was once my favourite statement to remind myself do not behave devil, and move forward to better life, do not cling on the past that hindering myself to become better person.

Today, it comes into my mind again.

I learn to forigve people along my growing path. I use to angry and leave behind the unhappiness, without thinking others' thought and feeling. No matter how the person appologise and willing to unlearn. I have no sense to forgive, as it means nothing much than an easy earning friendship. So, usually i choose to ignore. However, when i grow up. I met peoples that really have the sense of being a friend. I am dilema. Shall I forgive them? Well, it is easy to learn to forgive others. I bet! I learn to forgive, and I feel the joy to forgive. With the forgiveness, I am able to forget what is the mistake. And, I am able to move forward for my new life.

That's life! No one is perfect. We learn to be imperfect so that we have room to learn and grow to be better.

Now.... I seen a friend who is not able to forgive and forget his past. And, he is not moving forward, yet clinging on the past. It hinders him to have better life. In fact, he is rolling backward to an uneasy life.

To forgive others, we learn to accept. To forgive ourself... it is a little bit courage that need to be added in.

I use to avoid my thought to recall the past, which is ignoring my past. I tried my best effort to bury my darkside. The darkside that I have moral issues to face it. I thought i can bury forever. However, when the night is late. It usually creeps to my mind. I have hard time to face myself. I am living in a guilty mode. I hate myself, I hate my brought up, I have every piece of mine when the incidents triggered in my mind. It is just ashame to have me living in the world...that's the feeling that i have...So, I choose to ignore...

To ignore, it wont hurt others. But, it simply hurts myself. I am not able to move forward. I am worry, I am paranoid, and I am lacking courage to walk a step further...and I have no one to listen to me... or I dare not tell others...

Until a day, i think i need to do something to myself. I do not want my life to drown because of my past. I tried my best to help others. By helping others I feel better. It does not help to cure my past. But it relief my burden of unforgiving myself. At least, I feel i am helping others. I live to help others so that I feel myself is still worth to life as a human.

Well, feel the value to be a human, still I cant run away of my mistakes. It is still mistake that I have done.. which cant undone. I know ... no matter how much i feel guilty, no matter how much i regret, no matter how much i pray, no matter how much i appologise, no matter how much i kneel down to beg, i cant unwind what have i done... It is too much to be unwind with actions and words that I tried... No cure!

Yes, no cure!

From there, I suffer. It is a very terrible suffering. I live in between my angel and devil thoughts. To continue to be devil or angel? They are fighting... When the devil thought sneaks in, I feel no one understand me, no one helps me, i tried my best, but I am still being ignore, I am still being blame, I am still being treated badly.. why shall i continue to be treated badly.. why shall I be so sad when peoples choose to let go me? why shall I??????

My angel thought becoming dim and dim and dim....it just a shadow that still standing behing to urge me to leave back devil... The feeling is really drowning... I see no hands of others to pull me up... it is totally drowning...

What pull me back to the shore? Somehow, my parents, my religion, my friends.... I see the faces that never let go me... I know i am guilty. I know what i have done... i hurt them... they might giving up me... But, shall i continue to live so... I hurt others that i shouldnt ... should i hurt peoples that loves me more? And, shall i love myself ?

I struggling to move forward.. the wave of devil never slow down.. yes.. it is exhausted... it is extremely tired to struggle alone... but ... it is the determination that pull me back... If no one loves me anymore.. I love myself! I keep on telling myself... If no one in the world appreciate me... i appreciate myself... I will proof that I am a worth loving person... I cant erase the past, but my future will grow glory than my past... I want my future to be compliment... and everyone able to forgive my past...and,.......i need to be the first one to forgive myself to move towards the destiny....

It is never easy ... but, i must struggle to move forward ... to let go all the devil's thought ....

Friend, I hope you can let go the past, forgive your past.. no one is perfect... if you have done it wrongly once.. stop it.. move forward... if you do not move forward, you wont able to see brightside of the world... No one is perfect... did it once wrong, correct it! did it wrong twice...learn the mistake.. why it recurs? learn it, correct it... it is never an easy process... try 100 times, 1000 times until a day ... you forget that how many times you learn and fall .... You will stand up with a beautiful life waiting for you.... It is never too late to start the journey if you determined yourself....

So, move forward...forgive yourself... By forgiving yourself...you will learn to forget.....and leave behing the terrible past.... We are waiting you at the shore... you shall be able to fight down the devil waves........

Friend, be strong! remember we are waiting for you to reach us....

Terlanjak....

terlanjak perahu boleh berganjak terlanjak kata buruk padahnya...

terlanjak kerja, macam mana??

terlanjak kerja yang tak sepatut... buruk padah akibatnya? Entah! Biarkan! Janji, passionate masih ada...

Life can be simple...

It was a busy day, and I grab this moment to write down my feeling before hitting to bed.

Although it was busy, it is a contentful day....I like the busy feeling without having much time to gossip around. It has been so long I loose my enthusiasm to work, to think, and to concentrate.

May be the change of position does help, it changes my lifestyle.. at least for today... and I hope it will continue the courage to work passionately.

Due to the works, I decide to realize my thought to rearrange my bedroom - having a writting table, chair, and a radio. I use to have my student life passed thru with these wonderful desk, and chair, and magical radio. It does comfort me to concentrate in doing work without stress. The magical radio helps the mind to concentrate yet it is relaxing concentration.

Day just passed peacefully, and contentful... Life can be just simple as so...

Human Life philosophy: Mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee

When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Apply this in your life and there'll be no wrong. We are living in a 2nd world country, competition is everywhere. When people working in Sweden do overtime, their boss will not be happy. They'll wonder why they wanna do OT since there's more to life than work.
We work to live, we do not live to work. Only machines in factories live to work.