相知不相爱而相思

秋风清，秋月明,落叶聚还散,寒鸦栖复惊。
相亲相见知何日，此时此夜难为情；
入我相思门，知我相思苦，
长相思兮长相忆，短相思兮无穷极，
早知如此绊人心，何如当初莫相识

*********************************************

你见，或者不见我
我就在那里
不悲不喜
　　
你念，或者不念我
情就在那里
　 不来不去
　　
你爱，或者不爱我
爱就在那里
　 不增不减
　　
你跟，或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
　 不舍不弃
　　
来我的怀里
或者
　 让我住进你的心里
　　
默然　相爱
寂静　欢喜

********************************************

红酥手，黄藤酒，满城春色宫墙柳。
东风恶，欢情薄，一怀愁绪，几年离索。错，错，错。

春如旧，人空瘦，泪痕红浥鲛绡透。
桃花落，闲池阁。山盟虽在，锦书难托。莫，莫，莫!
　
世情薄，人情恶，雨送黄昏花易落。
晓风干，泪痕残。欲笺心事，独语斜阑。难，难，难。

人成各，今非昨，病魂常似秋千索。
角声寒，夜阑珊。怕人寻问。咽泪装欢。瞒，瞒，瞒!

********************************************

《卜算子》 李之仪
　　
我住长江头，君住长江尾。
日日思君不见君，共饮长江水。
此水几时休？此恨何时已？
只愿君心似我心，定不负相思意

********************************************

一颗樱桃樊素口，不爱黄金，只爱人长久。　
学画鸦儿犹未就，眉尖已作伤春皱。　　
扑蝶西园随伴走，花开花落，渐解相思瘦。　　
破镜重圆人在否，章台折尽青青柳。

Courageous

May I have the courageous to roll over the sadness... and the strength to go thru the tough path... with silent and sincere hope...

May I stop slipping unnecessary words... May I stay still to wait for the shower of bless...

May i stop looking back... and moving forward for a better life...

Christmas is coming....missing feel is nearer....

I love christmas more than chinese new year... It just has no reason to have such pleasure feeling towards the christmas greeting season...

Cool weather...and peoples on the streets are caroling christmas songs...
Malls are crowded with peoples... simply to get christmas gifts to the loves one..
Neon light all over the city...snow dropping.. flakes flying from sky...what a fantastic scenery...it is warmth feeling... christmas is coming.. yes.. christmas is around us...

If i have a dream...I hope I will have another chance to walk thru the streets...with fyling snow flakes .. over my face... having my chocolate bar dipping into the hot water... walk thru the whole streets....enjoying my christmas shopping .... buying gifts to my loves one... I miss the scenery ...just miss it so much...

Coffee, Tea, and ???

"Hi, how are you? Would like to have coffee or tea for your drink?"

It is an usual question from a waiter or waitress when you are served for breakfast...

It seems that we only have either coffe or tea. But, in the real life... shall we confined ourself between coffee or tea?

It stunts me when i have a late chat with an 'veteran'. If both coffee and tea are not your choice, leave it... go for other drinks... The world is not only having these 2 drinks as breakfast drinks... We shall think out of box if inside the box there is nothing much to stay on...

Another veteran advice... choose your choice, bear your responsibility...He was trying to advice me to overcome an unhealthy thought... I guess I have causing him enough words and advices...At the end, he choose to leave me a statement "it is your choice, you bear your responsibilities.." It is nice of him to advice me, and spent long time to hold my hand to solve the mental issue...But, he is just an ordinary human... who will feel tired... sad...disppointed...I appreciate his time, his effort...although I am dilema on what he told me. His words are true... but my feeling is true as well... To choose what i feel or what he tells... it is neither an easy choice...But he told me, it is my life... i choose and live with my choice... It is very pressure... the underneath pressure that wouldnt notice....but it is streaming to my mind... It causes insomnia... Shall I belief I am strong, or admit I am just an ordinary lady that will have the thought and feeling when the days reach me?

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and giving me advice...You all are my buddies...my good friends...If I would to choose myself... coffee or tea... i think I shall take the advice to think out of the box....................However, rule out the coffee and tea.... what else is offered? I am an asian, I am not into beer or wine everyday... so.. what is the other offer? And, will the immediate offer suit me? Or shall I wait for offer that suit me.. irregardless of time....

There is advice said by veteran... he told me.... it is on the way the offer is coming ... it might be a little bit traffic jam out the town.. causing the delay... but you shall deserve your late happiness like other good persons should be....

My question is: Will I?

Will I able to choose something out of coffee or tea?

Will I????

Forgive and Forget, Move Forward....

The title sounds familiar...It was once my favourite statement to remind myself do not behave devil, and move forward to better life, do not cling on the past that hindering myself to become better person.

Today, it comes into my mind again.

I learn to forigve people along my growing path. I use to angry and leave behind the unhappiness, without thinking others' thought and feeling. No matter how the person appologise and willing to unlearn. I have no sense to forgive, as it means nothing much than an easy earning friendship. So, usually i choose to ignore. However, when i grow up. I met peoples that really have the sense of being a friend. I am dilema. Shall I forgive them? Well, it is easy to learn to forgive others. I bet! I learn to forgive, and I feel the joy to forgive. With the forgiveness, I am able to forget what is the mistake. And, I am able to move forward for my new life.

That's life! No one is perfect. We learn to be imperfect so that we have room to learn and grow to be better.

Now.... I seen a friend who is not able to forgive and forget his past. And, he is not moving forward, yet clinging on the past. It hinders him to have better life. In fact, he is rolling backward to an uneasy life.

To forgive others, we learn to accept. To forgive ourself... it is a little bit courage that need to be added in.

I use to avoid my thought to recall the past, which is ignoring my past. I tried my best effort to bury my darkside. The darkside that I have moral issues to face it. I thought i can bury forever. However, when the night is late. It usually creeps to my mind. I have hard time to face myself. I am living in a guilty mode. I hate myself, I hate my brought up, I have every piece of mine when the incidents triggered in my mind. It is just ashame to have me living in the world...that's the feeling that i have...So, I choose to ignore...

To ignore, it wont hurt others. But, it simply hurts myself. I am not able to move forward. I am worry, I am paranoid, and I am lacking courage to walk a step further...and I have no one to listen to me... or I dare not tell others...

Until a day, i think i need to do something to myself. I do not want my life to drown because of my past. I tried my best to help others. By helping others I feel better. It does not help to cure my past. But it relief my burden of unforgiving myself. At least, I feel i am helping others. I live to help others so that I feel myself is still worth to life as a human.

Well, feel the value to be a human, still I cant run away of my mistakes. It is still mistake that I have done.. which cant undone. I know ... no matter how much i feel guilty, no matter how much i regret, no matter how much i pray, no matter how much i appologise, no matter how much i kneel down to beg, i cant unwind what have i done... It is too much to be unwind with actions and words that I tried... No cure!

Yes, no cure!

From there, I suffer. It is a very terrible suffering. I live in between my angel and devil thoughts. To continue to be devil or angel? They are fighting... When the devil thought sneaks in, I feel no one understand me, no one helps me, i tried my best, but I am still being ignore, I am still being blame, I am still being treated badly.. why shall i continue to be treated badly.. why shall I be so sad when peoples choose to let go me? why shall I??????

My angel thought becoming dim and dim and dim....it just a shadow that still standing behing to urge me to leave back devil... The feeling is really drowning... I see no hands of others to pull me up... it is totally drowning...

What pull me back to the shore? Somehow, my parents, my religion, my friends.... I see the faces that never let go me... I know i am guilty. I know what i have done... i hurt them... they might giving up me... But, shall i continue to live so... I hurt others that i shouldnt ... should i hurt peoples that loves me more? And, shall i love myself ?

I struggling to move forward.. the wave of devil never slow down.. yes.. it is exhausted... it is extremely tired to struggle alone... but ... it is the determination that pull me back... If no one loves me anymore.. I love myself! I keep on telling myself... If no one in the world appreciate me... i appreciate myself... I will proof that I am a worth loving person... I cant erase the past, but my future will grow glory than my past... I want my future to be compliment... and everyone able to forgive my past...and,.......i need to be the first one to forgive myself to move towards the destiny....

It is never easy ... but, i must struggle to move forward ... to let go all the devil's thought ....

Friend, I hope you can let go the past, forgive your past.. no one is perfect... if you have done it wrongly once.. stop it.. move forward... if you do not move forward, you wont able to see brightside of the world... No one is perfect... did it once wrong, correct it! did it wrong twice...learn the mistake.. why it recurs? learn it, correct it... it is never an easy process... try 100 times, 1000 times until a day ... you forget that how many times you learn and fall .... You will stand up with a beautiful life waiting for you.... It is never too late to start the journey if you determined yourself....

So, move forward...forgive yourself... By forgiving yourself...you will learn to forget.....and leave behing the terrible past.... We are waiting you at the shore... you shall be able to fight down the devil waves........

Friend, be strong! remember we are waiting for you to reach us....

Terlanjak....

terlanjak perahu boleh berganjak terlanjak kata buruk padahnya...

terlanjak kerja, macam mana??

terlanjak kerja yang tak sepatut... buruk padah akibatnya? Entah! Biarkan! Janji, passionate masih ada...

Life can be simple...

It was a busy day, and I grab this moment to write down my feeling before hitting to bed.

Although it was busy, it is a contentful day....I like the busy feeling without having much time to gossip around. It has been so long I loose my enthusiasm to work, to think, and to concentrate.

May be the change of position does help, it changes my lifestyle.. at least for today... and I hope it will continue the courage to work passionately.

Due to the works, I decide to realize my thought to rearrange my bedroom - having a writting table, chair, and a radio. I use to have my student life passed thru with these wonderful desk, and chair, and magical radio. It does comfort me to concentrate in doing work without stress. The magical radio helps the mind to concentrate yet it is relaxing concentration.

Day just passed peacefully, and contentful... Life can be just simple as so...

Human Life philosophy: Mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee

When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Apply this in your life and there'll be no wrong. We are living in a 2nd world country, competition is everywhere. When people working in Sweden do overtime, their boss will not be happy. They'll wonder why they wanna do OT since there's more to life than work.
We work to live, we do not live to work. Only machines in factories live to work.

快乐人生灿烂晴空：愈放下愈快乐

生活富裕了，但压力越来越大；
收入增加了，但快乐却越来越少。
其实，累与不累只是一种感觉。
压力的大小，主要取决于自己的心态。
快乐与不快乐，就看你是否学会了放下。
放下，是一种生活的智慧。
放下，是一门心灵的学问。
放下压力，活得轻松；
放下烦恼，活得幸福；
放下自卑，活得自信；
放下懒惰，活得充实；
放下消极，活得成功；
放下抱怨，活得舒坦；
放下犹豫，活得潇洒；
放下狭隘，活得自在
人生在世，有些事情是不必在乎的，有些东西是必须清空的。
只有该放下时放下，你才能够腾出手来，抓住真正属于你的快乐和幸福。

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage

It was a flickering day...Mind keeps swinging, and emotion is not stable...

Tears dropped without control, heart counting hope to get others' sympathetic...

It was an emotional day, and heart just couldnt focus yet growing suspicious feeling...

The feel of inferior growing stronger and stronger...it kills peaceful mind...

It was an uneasy day... A weak word would break the glass heart...

It shrinks one's life...

There shall be a stream to push the negative energy... The internal urge to live life back to normal... to focus on the mind and life contentfully...

The bounce of the heartache shall be cure... the courage to live peacefully ...

Did I ever appologise?

If I never appologise to you, please forgive me for my ignorance.
I hereby appologise to you for what I have done, it is my fault to cause all these.

If I were deserve for the unforgiveness, I only can say I admit it is my fault, and I again appologise for the faulties that I have done.

I deeply appologise to you. It is the only way that I can do -'APPOLOGISE'.
I strongly hope that I can undo whatever that I have done. But, the truth is, neither you and me have the magical power to unwind it. Again, I appologise for the past, which I cant unwind it.

If i am given a chance to recover the friendship, I will grab it with my greatest sincerity to stitch whatever that has broken. I promise I will handle with care...

It might be just a wish that cant be realize, but I am trying my best to do it...
It might stay as a wish forever, but I do try my best now and ever to stitch the left over friendship... at least with a sincere heart that never want to give up...

I appologise...and that's the only word that I can say ...although it might be or might not be able to reach you...

I appologise...

I hope that is not the destiny that we are ending... I hope that we still have future to complete the friendship destiny ...

Appologise with a wishing heart to recover... although the hope is very thin...I am still carrying it...now and forever...

你最珍贵

你最珍贵
曲∶凌伟文 词∶林明阳/十方 编∶杜自持

(男)明年这个时间 约在这个地点
(女)记得带著玫瑰 打上领带系上思念
(男)动情时刻最美 真心的给不累
(女)太多的爱怕醉 没人疼爱再美的人也会憔悴
(男)我会送你红色玫瑰
(女)你知道我爱流泪 你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女)未来的日子有你才美梦才会真一点
(女)我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男)我不撤退 你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合)我愿意这条情路相守相随
你最珍贵
(music)

(男)动情时刻最美 真心的给不累
(女)太多的爱怕醉 没人疼爱再美的人也会憔悴
(男)我会送你红色玫瑰
(女)你知道我爱流泪 你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女)未来的日子有你才美梦才会真一点
(女)我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男)我不撤退 你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合)我愿意这条情路相守相随
你最珍贵

(男)我会送你红色玫瑰
(女)你知道我爱流泪 你别拿一生眼泪相对
(男)(女)未来的日子有你才美梦才会真一点
(女)我学著在你爱里沉醉
(男)我不撤退 你守护著我穿过黑夜
(合)我愿意这条情路相守相随

你最珍贵

A peaceful night

Calm, peace, glad, relax...that's my feeling of the night.

Calm as not much to worry...
Peace as I am happy internally...
Glad as I am still enjoying my life...I have a say to reject what I do not like, and do what i like...
Relax as I am listening to my lovely song...while waiting my favourite movie being downloaded...

It is going to be Friday soon...Another weekend is approaching...ushering my sweet own time...

Birthday wishes...

Everyone is granted birthday wishes once a year.

Mine just cross thru the corner. It stunted me when I was being ask to make birthday wishes. I have been living in this world for many years, and I suppose what i am having are sufficient for me to live luxurious then.

What I was wishing, I believe I have been granted since then. For those wishes that still not happening, I wouldnt expect it will happen. There is always an end of everything, and I guess the desire is faded when time pass thru.

It is just too tired to make the wishes that need luck and miracle to realize it. It is far and unreachable.

However, I need the courage to live peacefully, happily.

"At ease, and let go... Life shall be creeping peacefully then..."

An idle brain is the devil's workshop

It is weekend again... My lovely weekend... But, I need to work for this weekend...Sounds dull? To me, it is glad as An idle brain is the devil's workshop.

A brain in use is better than a brain is idle. At least, the devil wont sneak into an occupied brain...

It is going to be a sleep, eat, think, do weekend... I am glad...

愛我沒有如果

梁靜茹- 沒有如果

作詞：嚴爵 作曲：OC/OA Soulja

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我 就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手
有人說
世界上最遙遠的距離不是生與死
而是我就站在你面前
你卻不知道我 愛你
我常說如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到
不需要等到地球毀滅掉
的那天
如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口 那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我 就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

如果 如果 沒有如果
如果如果 最後變成路過
我也不能接受
錯過錯過不能錯過
錯過錯過我比你更難過
我不會一錯再錯

唉 這次不要再隨便錯過

我常說
如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到
不需要等到地球毀滅掉
的那天
別怕太快樂
別怕失去我
如果我說愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口 那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我 就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

*************************************************

世界上最遙遠的距離不是生與死
而是我就站在你面前
你卻不知道 我愛你

我常說如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到
不需要等到地球毀滅掉的那天

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口 那是不是有一點弱

愛我沒有如果......真的愛我 就放手一搏...
如果如果 最後變成路過...我比你更難過...

.....這次不要再隨便錯過.....

Miracle...

When i was young, i did believe in miracle...

But now, getting older and older, I think miracle only means for things that are tangible...when you work hard, you get what you plan for...etc... Miracle does not happen for subjective matter... At least, I do not see any miracle for the subjective matter that i am thinking now...

Miracle... is subjective.. is secretive ... and...it is uncatchable...out of control...beyond expectation...

Miracle, will 'you' come along my life thereafter??

I welcome your existence...but will you knock my door?

The heart that never give up to try...

Sometimes i wonder if what i am think is too sensitive or it is just normal...
Or in another words, if i am avoiding the reality?

I remember i read an article where it says ... if what you feel makes what you are thinking of... do not hesistate to believe what you think... If you feel it, it is what you are really encountering... It does not matter if that is the reality or if you are sensitive ... It is your feeling! It is your thought! Something others do not experience except you!

So, in a word...YOU are who you are.. and you feel what you feel!
If really that is the feeling that you have, believe it... It really does not matter if it is reality or something from your mind.

From here, it is REALITY... voice from your heart and feeling ...
If that is the REALITY, what shall you do? what will you do?

Is it matter to verify what are you thinking of?
Is it matter to confront it?

Although, it is not easy to take it...
It comes this day... when it comes... it is pain... but the pain will heal...just be strong to face it, feel it...

Thousand of couragement being given, but only times will heal the pain...
When the pain is subsided, it will only leave the scar...

Although thousand scars left with nothing...at least... you are strong to try...
The trials might not successful... but without the trial... you will never know your right path...

If there is no right path for you end of the day... at least... you try...

Love

If I were given a chance to grab it, I will; as it brings me sense of secure, joyfulness, heart warm feeling which I almost forgotten. It is the lovely feeling that I was longing...

It is a trustworthy relationship...someone that you believe in...someone that you trust... someone that wont let you down... someone that will take care of your feeling.... someone that can forgive your wildness behaviour... It might not a perfect romantic relationship, but it does bring joyfulness ...the calm relationship that can long lasting...

Hopefully this is the last and forever relationship ...

A step to reach, yet the gap is so far...

It is a step to reach, but the gap is so far until I can't sense the bridge.
Most of the time, I am shed by a shadow that I am not able to wipe it out. It is shadow of me, and it is shadow of you. The shadow cant be wipe out, it cant be forgotten. It lives in between. It hurts both, although it is being denied.

And, if even, what have said is true, it is still a step to reach. A step that hold me go no where. To bridge the gap, it does not bring any ending, as the truth is not able to convey. The truth might is a past, but it is still hurting, and holding you back to tell. Your hold back, makes me uncertain to step further.

When a person grows older, we resist to think. As the more we think, the more we sink. To float on the surface to catch the air, we stay tune without moving forward, although we think we are moving forward. Well, we try to hold the past, chase the past, but never take a look into present. When present becomes a past, again we will chase the past. The loop is never ending. And, how could we stop chasing something is already past? Hold the present, and really move forward.

No more moody mood...

Moody mode has change... When the sun rises, the gloomy day will disappear... When the moody mood is cheer up, the uncertain feeling will be chase away.. and the heart will be fill up with happiness and gratitude...

Illusion is no longer there...it has be shaded with brightness light. Sunlight eaten up the darkness night...Life turns to be full of hope...

Moooooooooody

Roller coaster feeling...The spike of happy feeling just destroy in a split second... I am not happy...

I am moody...I guess...there is something hiding inside my heart, which I might or might not realize. But, I guess I rather leave it aside. If it is not being dig out, I think it wil be bury inside the heart forever and forever.

I rather believe what I see on the surface of the heart. It is rather cruel to clean the dust and dig out the feel. It will disappear along the wind...it will disappear along the time....

It will disappear....It will....

And, my life will back to normal, I will be happy again.. Life is beautiful again.. and always... It is just an illusion feeling ...

Let go, at ease...

When you learn to let go, you will feel the freedom from your heart.

When you have the freedom internally, you will not suffer.

When you are not suffering, happiness will always surrouding you.

Let go, at ease...

When it is time to take a break, you shall stop and enjoy the scenery that you have.

Happy Valentines Day... Enjoy the freedom that you have, from the heart, mind, and every pieces of you...

Passionate

The word passionate is far to me, as I am a impatient person.

From my young age, my father trained me to become a patient person. He use to fetch me late purposely. And, he knew that I will throw temper due to impatient character. But, he insist to let me waited for long long hours just to train me to be passionate enough for everything that is not smooth in life. I learnt to accept as it, be patient, live a life with a boundary, learn the rules of survival. However, when i grow older and older, my passionate level is loosen and loosen. I get angry easily, not patient to wait, eager for things as fast as my eye glance. I sense that I am loosing passionate in everything surrounding me, I expect what i hope will realize as what I wish. I never put on others' shoes to understand others' feeling, and situation. I am selfish! I am inconsiderate.

I wish to change the attitude that I have - I want to become a passionate person that is willing to accept as it, forgive people, passionate to learn to understand situation better, passionate to wait for others to react as they wish to.

Everyone deserves to be treated patiently. I shall respect others' thoughts, feeling, and actions.
I am regret in whatever I have done impatiently causing inconvinient to others. I shall learn to be passionate to wait and respect others. Passionate to go thru the whole situation / story, shouldnt jump into conclusion, and respect each of the decision that make by others, do not simply challenge others' thought as it is incosiderate to others, do not simply deny others' words.

A life without limbs

Here is a real story that I would like to share with you:
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=MslbhDZoniY

I think everyone face difficulties and disppointment along our life. We easily give up anything that upset us. And, we are lucky enough as we have a choice to learn in a smooth path. If you are born with no limbs, what will be your life? Give up? Or try a thousand or million times to get back up?

Never give up! Life does not give up you, and shall you not give up your life! There is always miracle comes along when you try it up...thousand, million times...it is no end, but it is matters of how you finish it strong...

Words from Nick:

Everyone knows when fall down, we will get back up.
But, sometimes in life, we fall down and may have no strength to get back up, we feel hopeless - do you think you have hope?

When I fall down, face down, no arms and no legs. It should be impossible for me to get back up. But it is not. I would tried 100 times to get up. If I failed 100 times, and give up. Will I able to get back up? The answer is no! But if you try again, and again and again. It is not the end. It is matter of how you are going to finish. Are you going to finish it strong? You will find the strength to get back up......

A letter to my parents

I always wish to tell my parents, but I think I am a traditional asian that feel hard to say the words out from mouth. But, I learn to write it down.

Dearest papa, mummy,
I miss you so much especially during this festival season. I wish I can always around you and bring you happiness. I always remember that you are the persons that never let go me, and loves me with no expectation. I might be a disobedient daugther, but I would like to appologise for being ignorance for the past years. I love you as much as you love me. Thank you for giving me a warmth home. It is the safest place that I could have when I am hurt, sad, and misplaced my life. I love you!

Little happiness that knock over me

As I received the letter from my china sponsored child, it reminds me that I have 2 sponsored children, and 1 green turtle, and 1 turtle nest. I am glad that I have them as part of me.

Although it is a financial commitment that I need to pledge, it brings me joyfulness. I have contributed something to this world, and it is my pleasure that I have the capabilities to do so.

Letter from my sponsored child

It is glad that I receieved a letter from the child that I sponsored.
But the sorrow feeling comes across when I read thru the writting from the father.

She is a happy girl with no worry, and likes to learn. But she is born in a family with a long term illness father, and a handicap mother. If there is no one sponsor her, she might not able to persue her study.

I am glad that I am given a chance to sponsor the child. I shall feel gratitude to the life that I have now, and try my very best to help those that in need.

Live life to the fullest although it is imperfect

Dont cling to perfectionist as life is not about perfect or not.
Live life to the fullest although it is imperfect.

Accept as is, forgive yourself, forgive others.
If you are able to forgive yourself, you are able to forgive others.
If you are able to love yourself, you are able to love others.

Practice meditation although it is just a breath in and out. Start from a breath in and out, and increase to the fullest mind that you are able to concentrate.
Live in the present, there is not necessary to review the past. Present is the result of the past, and future is the result of the present. Living in present will make you see your past and result in future.

Forgive yourself as if you forgive others. See but not look, hear but not listen. If it is a mistake, see it but dont look into it. Forgive it although you cant forget it.

Mind management: awareness, concentrate, wisdom. I hope what i learn today, I can practice as much as I can.

Encouragement

I need courage to admit what I have done is wrong.
I need courage to overcome the fear that I have.
I need courage to talk to the person who hurt me before.
I need courage to against the phobia.

Today, I have the courages to go thru what I mentioned above. I wish to admit what I have done is wrong. I wish to have no fear on whatever I am encountering. I wish to talk to the person who hurt me earlier - I wish to go for chantting that I let go long time ago. I appologise that I let go my religion due to my fear to admit what have passed. I wish the phobia that I have can be broken with the wishes that I mentioned.

I am back to normal

To my dearest friends, thanks for the regards.
I am back to normal after some thoughts and readings.

The refresh feeling is there, no more hatred heart. And, I am glad that I can recover fast and feel the warmth friendship.

I was lost, but I see the direction now.
I was frustrated, but I understand the situation better now.
I was not happy, but I am peaceful now.

Again, put on my running shoes, walk thru the journey to the best that I can.
Life is still going on. Let go, at ease. If you understand the saying - 随缘莫攀缘。随缘自着，攀缘烦恼。Let bygone be bygone. Shall the better will come.

I am glad that I am a religious buddhist, who is given a chance to understand human living better.

I am sad...

I am sad, but I am not able to show on face.
I love someone, but I am not able to tell.
I make wrong response, but I am not able to retract.
I am wrong, but I have no chance to appologise.

Now, I am suffering. And, I scare to experience the suffer feeling. I try to hide, and it makes things worse. No one trust I am sad. What shall I do? I crack my head, but there is no answer.

I shall let the person knows that I am sad. But, will he trust me again?

I am scare to experience the sadness. I know I will drown to die.
What shall I do? Can I stand the sadness alone?

New Year New Resolution

New year new resolutions...

Practice the NO:
1.) No fear
2.) No hatred heart
3.) No jealous
4.) No wild thinking
5.) No swingy mood
6.) No self abuse
7.) No rude word
8.) No suspicious thought
9.) No discourage heart
10) No critism

Practice the YES:
1.) Be strong
2.) Be kind
3.) Be generous
4.) Be stable
5.) Be patient
6.) Be passionate
7.) Be polite
8.) Be steady
9.) Encouragement
10.) Appreciate & Compliment

May all the Yes and No being practice with peaceful mind and happy feeling heart.
May all the Yes and No bring joyfulness to the new year...

Eyes vs Mind

I see what I have seen, but I hope what I have seen is not the truth.
It was shocking my head to toe, but I have seen what I shall not see.

I do not agree, but I can't deny.
I do not believe, but I have seen.

To discard the truth, I shall tell myself I am having short sighted eyes. If I am having eyes problem, what I have seen is just a shadow which make not truth.
If it is not the truth, I am still able to hold my strong belief.
With the strong belief, there is no fear.
When there is no fear, life is always at the bright side.

And, I shall tell myself - life is always full of hope...