Forgive and Forget, Move Forward....

The title sounds familiar...It was once my favourite statement to remind myself do not behave devil, and move forward to better life, do not cling on the past that hindering myself to become better person.

Today, it comes into my mind again.

I learn to forigve people along my growing path. I use to angry and leave behind the unhappiness, without thinking others' thought and feeling. No matter how the person appologise and willing to unlearn. I have no sense to forgive, as it means nothing much than an easy earning friendship. So, usually i choose to ignore. However, when i grow up. I met peoples that really have the sense of being a friend. I am dilema. Shall I forgive them? Well, it is easy to learn to forgive others. I bet! I learn to forgive, and I feel the joy to forgive. With the forgiveness, I am able to forget what is the mistake. And, I am able to move forward for my new life.

That's life! No one is perfect. We learn to be imperfect so that we have room to learn and grow to be better.

Now.... I seen a friend who is not able to forgive and forget his past. And, he is not moving forward, yet clinging on the past. It hinders him to have better life. In fact, he is rolling backward to an uneasy life.

To forgive others, we learn to accept. To forgive ourself... it is a little bit courage that need to be added in.

I use to avoid my thought to recall the past, which is ignoring my past. I tried my best effort to bury my darkside. The darkside that I have moral issues to face it. I thought i can bury forever. However, when the night is late. It usually creeps to my mind. I have hard time to face myself. I am living in a guilty mode. I hate myself, I hate my brought up, I have every piece of mine when the incidents triggered in my mind. It is just ashame to have me living in the world...that's the feeling that i have...So, I choose to ignore...

To ignore, it wont hurt others. But, it simply hurts myself. I am not able to move forward. I am worry, I am paranoid, and I am lacking courage to walk a step further...and I have no one to listen to me... or I dare not tell others...

Until a day, i think i need to do something to myself. I do not want my life to drown because of my past. I tried my best to help others. By helping others I feel better. It does not help to cure my past. But it relief my burden of unforgiving myself. At least, I feel i am helping others. I live to help others so that I feel myself is still worth to life as a human.

Well, feel the value to be a human, still I cant run away of my mistakes. It is still mistake that I have done.. which cant undone. I know ... no matter how much i feel guilty, no matter how much i regret, no matter how much i pray, no matter how much i appologise, no matter how much i kneel down to beg, i cant unwind what have i done... It is too much to be unwind with actions and words that I tried... No cure!

Yes, no cure!

From there, I suffer. It is a very terrible suffering. I live in between my angel and devil thoughts. To continue to be devil or angel? They are fighting... When the devil thought sneaks in, I feel no one understand me, no one helps me, i tried my best, but I am still being ignore, I am still being blame, I am still being treated badly.. why shall i continue to be treated badly.. why shall I be so sad when peoples choose to let go me? why shall I??????

My angel thought becoming dim and dim and dim....it just a shadow that still standing behing to urge me to leave back devil... The feeling is really drowning... I see no hands of others to pull me up... it is totally drowning...

What pull me back to the shore? Somehow, my parents, my religion, my friends.... I see the faces that never let go me... I know i am guilty. I know what i have done... i hurt them... they might giving up me... But, shall i continue to live so... I hurt others that i shouldnt ... should i hurt peoples that loves me more? And, shall i love myself ?

I struggling to move forward.. the wave of devil never slow down.. yes.. it is exhausted... it is extremely tired to struggle alone... but ... it is the determination that pull me back... If no one loves me anymore.. I love myself! I keep on telling myself... If no one in the world appreciate me... i appreciate myself... I will proof that I am a worth loving person... I cant erase the past, but my future will grow glory than my past... I want my future to be compliment... and everyone able to forgive my past...and,.......i need to be the first one to forgive myself to move towards the destiny....

It is never easy ... but, i must struggle to move forward ... to let go all the devil's thought ....

Friend, I hope you can let go the past, forgive your past.. no one is perfect... if you have done it wrongly once.. stop it.. move forward... if you do not move forward, you wont able to see brightside of the world... No one is perfect... did it once wrong, correct it! did it wrong twice...learn the mistake.. why it recurs? learn it, correct it... it is never an easy process... try 100 times, 1000 times until a day ... you forget that how many times you learn and fall .... You will stand up with a beautiful life waiting for you.... It is never too late to start the journey if you determined yourself....

So, move forward...forgive yourself... By forgiving yourself...you will learn to forget.....and leave behing the terrible past.... We are waiting you at the shore... you shall be able to fight down the devil waves........

Friend, be strong! remember we are waiting for you to reach us....