Sunday evening...

It was not a long weekend to me... I was working, and staying at home to continue my house cleaning and decorating project. Well, a lot of ideas being thought of. And, i guess it was too idealistic until I was disppointed when i reach IKEA. End up, I think I shall get a carpenter to customize what i need. Anyhow, I will walk thru the idea piece by piece before it turns into action. The idea is like puzzle pieces, I am trying to merge all the pieces into a big picture. But, I just couldnt merge each of them in a sequential manner.

Elegant or colourful theme? I like the elegant look, as it shows the house looks high class and 'mature'. Yet, I feel it too dull especially if I have to work late under stressful condition. I need some colourful environment to cheer up the dullness work life. Hmm, now, I cant recall why i resisted the colourful design. Oh yeah, I resisted the design due to the colours might cause messy to the house. And, it might not last long as the colour might out of date.

Anyhow, I am going to change the flowers in the living room. No more yellow leaves, and yellow flowers, cause it does look dull!

Amazingly, my mind is being occupied with all these housing decoration plan, and no more wild thinking. A friend of mine has given me the statement - the more you experience it, the more you can handle it well. It is very amazing; only 2 days, I am able to recover well. Bravo to myself! Once again, I am able to stand up fast after falling down. I shall wave farewell to the past, and move forward. I shall have a elegant and colourful life!

Thanks to my dear friends who willing to be my listeners.

Feeling of the day

I just back from a movie - mamma mia. I guess I make the right choice to watch this movie as it is very funny and touching. It was not a pleasant friday to me today. I was low esteem due to some conversation that I had in the afternoon. Anyhow, I decided to move on... Well, it is not a right timing to decide now, but I think I deserve a break for myself.

I am glad that I have a group of cheerful colleagues and friends. It does help to ensure life is always fun to go thru.

I was a bit blur today, and did wrongly on the database. It is a production database! DBA huh... it is really a big impact to the business, and DBA's reputation. It is like a doctor having wrong medicine to a patient. It is very awkful! In a split second, I was run into total tension mode. I do not want my reputation to be spoilt, and life of DBA being ruined. I was fortunate enough that the database is being rescue without any impact to the business. My learning and skillset still able to cover my own mistaken... Lucky! God Bless huh!

Gal! Cheer up! You know your problem! Cheer up! Cheer up! Do not let it beat you down! Life is not just about that, it is more to go!

Life is about how you spice it up! Experience the journey, bitter, sweet and sour will be left aside when you reach the destiny that you dream of...You need to believe what you dream of will come thru one day... Stand still for the coming day.. You just need to believe it!

Monday Blues...

We always struggle to wake up in time to work on Monday. Everyone is singing blues on Monday morning. But, life is still going on, earning is still promising, and everything is going ordinary smooth.

15th Sept, 2008 - I think this is being quoted as Black Monday to wallstreet. Many peoples loose jobs, and earning of future is uncertain. This is really blues to most of the peoples, when no one sense the disaster coming in...

Although bailout has been done, will it help the ordinary employee recover fast? Question is still in mind.

Shall we sing blues on Monday now?
I think sometimes, we just need to appreciate what we have, and where we live.

I am who I am..

I am not a brave person to admit who I am.
I use to retract my words when I am being scare off.
I use to deny my feeling when I ask to express...

The more i like something, the more i feel hard to catch it. The more I try to express, the more I speak wrongly. Do I have to explain myself everytime when things happen? I tried. But I guess, it is just being thought as a 'serious' person.

So, am I gutless?

I do not like to be understood by others. I totally out of tune to be understood. I like to work things differently when I sense someone is trying to understand me. And, I act differently when I try to understand others.

I tried to understand myself, but I feel that the flow of denial is strong...I do not allow myself to understand myself either...

I am hiding for something, something that I feel so strong that denying my thought, my words, and my actions... What is that?

It is an evil thought that resist myself to move forward... I guess...

Helpless sickness

I am getting worse and worse of the sickness... The drowning feeling is nearer and nearer... I need to survive myself as soon as possible... before the water sipping much and much and the ship sinks...

Force of reality is there, nothing much that can be done... other than ... run! run! run as fast as you can! run as far as you will..

I shall see the light at the end of the tunnel... i shall... i suppose to...

The wave is pulling me downwards, the water is reaching my nose... i am half death.. as my breath is getting weak and weak... Help! I need the buoyancy aid tyre.. If not, please throw me a rope to pull me up to the shore... I would want to have a clear breath... I want to have my life without struggling in the middle of the sea... out from being urge by the wave... no hitting from the ship plank... Help me!

Too much gap to be perfect

Am I a good daughter to my parents?

Am I a rule follower in the country?

Am I consider technical competent for my career?

Am I loyal to myself?

Am I contributing to the community?

Am I a good employee for my company?

Am I keeping what I have promised?

Am I .....................................................??

Who shall decide?

Decision! Decision! Decision!

Who shall make the final decision? You or me?

Why cant we voluntarily assume the responsibility to make the decision?

Do you worry about the accountability and responsibility that you need to bear if the decision does not turn into a fruitful result?

Am I the one that dare not hold the consequences of the decision? I think I prefer to contribute the idea rather than being the decision maker.

So, you have to make the call. And, I did my part. It is time for you to consider my input... Just follow your thought as it does not matter what I say or think, but it is more of a matter of what your opinion is.

You would rather believe in what you want to believe in than the thought that I have.