Sleepless Night...

Starry, starry night, pain your palate blue and grey...
Look out on a summer's day with eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills, sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills, in colors on the snowy linen land

Gazing at the starry sky, my mind just gone wild, and wild, far, and far...
Some images come across the mind, and some sadness urging the tears dropping from my eyes, but, the sweetness memory also merging into my garden of rememberance.

Past is a past, present is what I have, and future is mystery of an uncertainty.
What can I grip from the present moment? I guess each of us have a different answer at different stage of our life..

When I was young, I hunger for the freedom of my life. I choose to be a devil student who always disobey the rules and regulations, yet able to show a good result to fellow educators. It is a choice of the school to retain or expell me...I surrender the choice of being identify as a good and bad student... educator, you take charge of teaching me what is good and bad definition of a student... A disobey student with fabulous result is a good student? Or, an obey student with red color result is a good student? I stand the chance to witness how the teacher make the choice...

When I graduated from my 1st degree, I started to realize life is not about disobeying or not. But, it is how you victor yourself in the eyes of the stakeholders... Sounds devil? Yes, it is! But, it was just telling us the fact of surviving skill - which none of us dare to admit the fact.

I was struggling myself for 1.5 years during my 2nd degree with the destiny to sneak into the IT pool. During the 1.5 years, I learnt to be a sincere person yet having a good result student. But, I guess when the boat is sailing smooth, peoples just got envy of you. Over the night, I was stunt by the reality that peoples just couldnt see you are better than them. So, what can I do? I quit!

I opt to move out from the existing apartment, to an apartment that I do not know anyone surrounding me. I buy my peaceful mind...and I gain my friendships from my new neigbourhoods. Yet, deep in heart, I was questioning myself...is the result so crucial to let go a friendship that we built along for years? I was struggling of the thought...And, it took me a year or two to accept the fact that I just do not belongs to the group. In another hand, I shall happy that I am being accepted by the new community - which being identify as the cream of the crop. I loose an apple, but I gain an orange...It is true that peoples can be smart in study yet having a right attitude being a friend. Ever since then, I hold my religious faith being a sincere person....

Starry, starry night...
portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls with eyes that watch the world and can't forget.